


The Teatime Club

by LittlePandemonium



Category: Ghosts (TV 2019)
Genre: AU, Angst, Basically the Breakfast Club but with Ghosts, But still their kooky selves, Cap and Fanny are the voices of reason, Family Issues, Gen, Growing Friendships, Humphrey is one chill dude, Hurt/Comfort, Julian Has Issues, Kitty is Kitty, Mary and Robin sitting in a tree, Pat is adorable, The ghosts are teenagers, Thomas is an emo, Vaguely set in the 80s or 90s, highschoolAU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-04
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:35:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 30,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27392083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittlePandemonium/pseuds/LittlePandemonium
Summary: Pat is asked to run an after-school club. He’s doomed.
Comments: 105
Kudos: 105





	1. Misfits

**Author's Note:**

> An unexpected new story for an entirely different fandom!
> 
> A plot bunny attacked me and wouldn’t go away until I acted accordingly. So, here we are. Little bit of an experiment so I’ll see what happens!
> 
> Hope you enjoy! c:

This was a bad idea.

Pat carefully regarded the band of misfits sitting at their desks before him with a wary glance, trying to judge their general mood. Some were crudely staring at him, looks of annoyance plastered on their faces, and some were just plainly ignoring the fact he was even there. So all in all, he was off to a good start.

He pulled at his shirt collar and idly twiddled his fingers, trying to keep his nerves at bay. Knowing that none of them wanted to be there made him feel even guiltier about the whole thing. It’s not like he wanted to be there either. He was doing this for Mrs Cooper.

_“Pat, can I have a quick word please?”_

_Pat looked up from his work and nodded sharply, heartbeat quickening at the curt address. He followed Mrs Cooper into the corridor and she pulled the classroom door shut to give them a little bit of privacy. He looked up at her nervously, hoping he wasn’t in any trouble. “How can I help you, miss?”_

_Mrs Cooper smiled. Patrick was always so eager to please and it warmed her heart. She knew he’d be the perfect choice. “So Pat, I was wondering if you’d be interested in teaching some subject enhancement lessons for a few hours after school? Miss Button’s not happy with the progress of some of our Year 9 students and thought an after-school club would be a good way of bringing them up to speed with lesson content. It would basically be a case of going through homework or particular lesson tasks with them but knowing you you’d make it much more fun than that! Sound any good?”_

_“A club? An after-school club?” Pat repeated. “Which students?”_

_“A mix of students from classes A to D. I thought it might make for some good work experience for you and a chance for you to make some new friends.” she gave him an earnest smile, knowing the latter did not come easy to Pat. “So what do you think?”_

_“I think it would be fine thank you, miss!” he smiled back. If it delayed going back _there_ a few hours, Pat would be willing to do anything - even if it meant trying to socialize with a bunch of strangers. _

_“That’s great! I’ll make the necessary arrangements and you can make a start next week!”_

Next week had rolled around far too quickly for Pat’s liking and he was beginning to regret accepting her offer. His enthusiasm had deflated somewhat on seeing which students he’d be mentoring. The only ones he really knew were Humphrey and Cap who were in his classes but he didn’t speak to them. Some of the others he knew by reputation alone. First there was Fanny Button - an uptight girl known for her snappy nature and rudeness to others, as well as being a relation to the headmistress. Then there was Thomas Thorne, the self-proclaimed poet with an obvious crush on Mrs Cooper (which was actually a little bit creepy), also known as the ‘weird emo kid’ by the whole student cohort. But the worst of the bunch came in the form of Julian Fawcett. Son of a shady politician who was moved down a set for being disruptive in class and a general toxic influence to fellow classmates. He was loud, bossy and a bully. Yet strangely he was the lead student representative for his year group - although Pat had heard rumblings of bribery being the reason why.

Pat bit his tongue. He exhaled deeply and clapped his hands together. It was time to start. One of the girls unexpectedly copied his gesture and started giggling to herself. Pat cleared his throat, addressing the class. “Erm, right, okay. Uh, hello! Hello, and welcome to...” he paused, trying to think of a name on the spot, “-the Teatime Club!”

“But it’s not teatime yet.” Thomas muttered from the back of the classroom.

“We’re having tea?” Robin grinned, looking around for the kettle.

“No, Robin.” Fanny groaned. “He’s referring to the fact it’s the afternoon and almost dinner time. He’s trying to be clever.”

“I’m hungry.” Julian muttered. “Anyone got any food with them? What about you, frosty?” he leant over Cap and nudged him. “Eh? Got any sweets?”

“Personal space!” Cap retorted back, giving Julian a shove. “Now shut up and listen to Patrick!”

“Erm, thank you, Cap.” Pat nodded appreciatively, “Um, so, as Cap’s just pointed out, and if you didn’t know already, my name is Patrick Butcher, but you can call me Pat.”

“Hello Pat!” Kitty chorused innocently, giving him a little wave.

“Hello, erm-“ he checked the classroom list he’d pinned to the back wall, “-Katherine.”

“You can just call me Kitty!” she giggled.

“What about KitKat?” Julian snarked, causing the others to glare at him.

“O-kay. Moving on! So basically I’m here as your mentor and together we’ll be going through a bunch of worksheets that Mrs Cooper has set me to give to you to complete. They’re basically going to be a continuation of subjects we’ve been learning about in classes to prepare us for our mock exams which are coming up. So, yes! Any questions?” he involuntarily clapped his hands together.

“Hang on a minute-“ Julian narrowed his eyes in remembrance, “-aren’t you the fatty they pushed into the septic tank around the back of the school last week?” Julian inputted rudely, throwing Pat off guard. 

“Any relevant questions?” Pat repeated stiffly.

“Are we going to do all the lesson subjects at once, or a subject each day we meet up?” asked Humphrey.

At last, someone normal! “A very good question, Humphrey! We’ll be doing individual subjects per session so we can have a few hours dedicated to each one. Make sense?”

“Perfect, thank you.” 

“So what’s the topic for today?” Mary asked meekly. “I can’t do English very well.”

“Then we’ll start with English!” Pat smiled, knowing it would be good to start with one of the core subjects. It was also one of his favourite lessons, although he’d never admit that to anyone. He opened the plastic folder that Mrs Cooper left him and pulled out the worksheets for English, handing them to Mary to pass around the class.

“Do we have to do this now?” Thomas moaned, “I actually excel in English, and my parents-“

“Shut up, Thomas.” Cap ordered, “The sooner we get started, the sooner we can go home.”

“And watch war documentaries.” Robin giggled. “Like an old man.”

“Very funny.”

“Do we _have_ to do worksheets? We’re not in Year 7 any more!” Fanny exclaimed.

“She has a point. It’s kind of boring. Can’t we do something a little different instead?” Humphrey asked, “Maybe we could suggest what we’re struggling with instead of just working through these sheets. We’re not learning anything new!”

“Spoilsport.” Julian cut in, already having drawn multiple penises on his worksheet.

“So wait, what are we doing again? Just these sheets?” Mary questioned, causing Cap to facepalm. 

“Haven’t you been listening?” he groaned. “We’ve been asked to complete these worksheets.”

“Ah. But what if I don’t want to?”

“That’s out of the question, Mary.”

“Well if Mary’s not doing them, I’m not either!” Robin ripped his sheet in half, throwing it at Thomas. Thomas gasped dramatically and attempted to throw them back but they missed the target and fell onto the floor.

At the steadily raising voices, Pat panicked and slammed his hand on the desk, making them all jump. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Julian gasped angrily, covering his ears.

“L-Let’s just settle down. Please. I want to help you all but I can’t do it with everyone shouting!” his voice squeaked towards the end. Pat cleared his throat and tried again, rubbing his sore hand. “Okay, why don’t we have a vote on it?”

The class let out a collective groan.

“Not a vote! That’s bor-ing!” Julian called out.

“Oh, okay fair enough- oh no, wait a second... I’m the teacher!” he blinked in realization. He had been given the authority so they were inclined to respectfully go along with his decisions! “I’m the teacher! Great! So, yes, we will have a vote on it. It’s quick and easy enough! So, all those in favour of doing the worksheets set by Mrs Cooper, raise your hands now.”

Julian, Robin and Mary raised their hands.

“Okay. All those in favour of me making up my own content based on your suggestions, raise your hands now.”

Cap, Humphrey, Thomas and Fanny raised their hands.

“What about you, Kath- er, Kitty?” Pat asked, noticing she failed to give an opinion.

“I’m sorry, what was the question again?” she asked dreamily, obviously in a daze.

The class groaned. Pat’s smile dropped. He turned around and cupped his face with his hands, trying to recompose himself. He was so close to just running away. He was at breaking point. He thought he could handle this. He thought he could handle the responsibilities. But it was just so DIFFICULT. They were just so difficult. How was he meant to help them if he couldn’t even help himself? 

Taking a deep breath, he slowly turned to face the class once again, forcing a smile onto his face. “Kitty, would you prefer to work from the worksheets, or learn from me?”

“You of course!” she gasped as if he’d said something offensive, “Of course I’d choose you, Pat! I’d rather learn from you than an inferior piece of paper!”

Pat felt a little flattered. “Then it’s settled! From now on then, if you guys have any ideas that you want me to cover in these sessions, you should let me know before our after-school club and I can prepare some notes for you all. Does that sound alright?”

“I suppose it wouldn’t hurt.” Thomas sniffed.

“It works for me.” Cap declared.

“Very well.” Fanny put in.

“If everyone else is okay with it then I am too.” Mary added.

“Cool.” Humphrey nodded.

“Fabulous!” chimed Kitty.

“I’d rather just work from the worksheet.” Julian huffed. 

Robin laughed in response, “Only ‘cause you like drawing rude bits!”

This in turn caused Mary to giggle. Robin shot her a brief smile. Julian pouted.

“Great, then it’s settled!” Pat felt himself feeling optimistic now. “So, is there anything in English you guys would like for me to cover with you today?” 

“Punctuation!” Mary cried out.

“Words!” Robin shouted unhelpfully.

“The tenses.” Humphrey admitted.

“I’ll go with any of the above.” Cap offered.

Pat nodded and turned to face the blackboard. He grabbed a piece of chalk and started to write out a few sentences, feeling the corners of his mouth turning up into a smile.

Maybe this could work after all?


	2. Insurgency

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’ve been so overwhelmed with the positive response to this story! I’ve never gained so much kudos on the first chapter of a story before and your kind comments have honestly blown me away! Thank you so much for everything. <3
> 
> Just had to get another chapter up for you! Hope you like it. c:

The first session had gone remarkably well.

After the rather chaotic start to the club, Pat had somehow managed to tame his unruly students and taught them what they’d basically asked him to. He’d gone through a list of word classes and definitions, as well as pertinent techniques and broken them down into a format that was easy for them to understand. He’d still garnered a few complaints from Fanny, Thomas, Cap and Julian, as expected, but they’d mainly towed the line and followed his instructions, completing the activities he’d set.

It had almost been fun!

At the end of the lesson he’d asked them what subject they wanted to cover in the next session. Naturally that had set off an argument between the students and it had taken Pat at least ten minutes to get them settled enough to have another vote on the matter.

Out of the three most wanted subjects, geography won.

Pat didn’t mind geography. He likes the aspects about countries and landscapes and rivers and the weather and things like that, but unfortunately Fanny had put her oar in and convinced everyone that Pat should talk about the key issues of globalization, which was much more boring. So that evening Pat had gone home and buried himself in his gran’s old and quite frankly dusty geography books to make a few notes about what he was going to be talking about the next day.

That next day had soon came, and after five hours of schoolwork, home time. 

Pat winced as he was bashed about by the crowd of charging students rushing down the corridor, all excited to be leaving for the day. As they all veered off through the exit doors, Pat carried on towards the English classroom he’d used the previous day for the club. He assumed he’d be able to use it again and nobody had said anything to him during the day so he figured it would be fine.

Until he got there and found it occupied by teachers.

“Go and find another room to use!” he was briskly told.

So now Pat was on a mission to find another room to use. This entailed the tedious job of walking in circles until he found an unoccupied room that wasn’t locked, and then after, round up the club students who would undoubtly use this as an excuse to try and skip the session and do laps of the school until he eventually caught them.

As he was musing where to head to next, he spotted Robin and Mary just up the corridor from him, both fixated by a poster on the wall. Happy to have caught two of his club members (which he decided to affectionately nickname clubbies) he sidled up behind them and stood on the tips of his toes to get a good gander at what they were looking at.

It was a crudely drawn picture of Miss Button, the school headmistress, surrounded by what could only be described as naughty bits. Naughty bits and rude bits. Pat let out a sharp gasp and pulled it off the wall.

“Why you do that?” Robin mumbled childishly, frowning at Pat.

“It’s rude!” he squeaked. “What if Fanny saw that? She’d have a coronary!”

“What’s that?” Mary asked.

“Like a heart attack!”

“Oh. Haha!” Robin laughed loudly.

Pat scrunched up the poster and attempted to throw it into a nearby bin, completely missing his target. He waddled over to the paper ball and scooped it off the floor, dumping it in the bin. He turned to see Mary and Robin trying to sneak off. “Oi!” he wailed pathetically. “It’s time for Teatime Club!”

A cheeky look morphed onto Mary’s face and she grabbed Robin’s hand, quickly running away. Pat let out a disheartened whine and bent his body forward in exasperation, just as Cap entered the corridor behind him. Cap raised an eyebrow.

“Everything alright, Patrick?”

Pat gasped and dove at Cap, hugging his arm. “Please don’t leave! It’s time for the club! Mary and Robin already ran away and now I’m stressed because if Mrs Cooper finds out about this then she’s going to be angry at me because I failed her!” he wailed. “So don’t run away!”

“Let go of me. Please.” Cap said stiffly, and Pat immediately relinquished his hold.

Pat rubbed his arm, “I-I’m sorry. Do you know where the others are?”

“They’re outside the English classroom, waiting for you. I’m leading the scout party and was sent to find you.”

Pat went bright red. “Oh. They actually waited?”

“Well yes. That is our room, isn’t it?”

“Er, well, actually, no. We’ve been kicked out.”

“Ah.”

“Yes. I’ve been trying to find another room.” he replied meekly.

“I see.”

“Sorry.” he mumbled.

“It’s fine.”

“Er, right. I might try the outside geography rooms then.”

“Good idea. I’ll go tell the others and round up Robin and Mary.”

“Thank you, Cap.”

Cap nodded and the two went their separate ways. Pat moseyed on outside and found one of the actual geography rooms unlocked and available, so waited outside the classroom until Cap and the squad turned up. Pat nervously adjusted his tie and sweeped his hair through before greeting his clubbies with a smile, all of whom were looking most annoyed.

“Ten minutes you’ve kept us waiting!” Fanny scowled, “It’s disgraceful!”

“Well to be fair, the room was occupied. At least we’ve missed ten minutes of the session.” Humphrey acknowledged.

“And that’s a good thing, because?” Thomas questioned.

“We’ve missed work!”

“So he’ll keep us behind ten minutes to finish it!” Fanny groaned.

“Oh yeah.” Humphrey gulped. “Oops.”

Pat shook his head, “Don’t worry, I won’t do that to you. It was my fault after all.” he held open the door and gestured for them to walk through it.

“You bet your arse it is, tubby.” came Julian’s snide remark as he walked past. Pat’s smile fell.

“Don’t worry Pat. I don’t think you’re tubby. Even if everyone else thinks you are.” Kitty smiled brightly at him as she walked past, last to enter.

Pat sighed and shook his head, following them inside.

~~~~~

“Okay then clubbies, can anyone tell me what-“ he paused for dramatic effect, “-political globalization is?”

“Patrick, please stop.” Thomas moaned from underneath his arms which were draped over his head. “This is incredibly boring.” 

“Why does he keep calling us clubbies?” Fanny asked. “I’ve never heard the term in my life.”

“That’s because I made it up.” Pat inputted, “Now please stay on task and get on with the question, we’ve already covered the other types! This is the last one!”

“Bor-ing!” Julian blew a raspberry, kicking his legs up onto the table in front, almost knocking into Mary. “Can’t we do something else?”

“But this is what we decided on yesterday! We can’t keep changing things willy-nilly, can we?”

Robin snorted in amusement, “Willy.”

This in turn caused Mary and Kitty to burst into a fit of giggles. Robin gave them a devious grin and continued to repeat the word.

Cap rolled his eyes. “Oh grow up. What’s so funny about a... um... phallic instrument?”

This had Julian howling. “A phallic instrument!” he cried, laughing so hard he almost fell off his chair. 

Pat bit down on his tongue to stop himself to visibly reacting to Cap’s blunder. He could see the tense boy going a little red so decided to change the subject to spare his feelings. He cleared his throat. “Are you quite finished Julian? We still have a lot of work to get through.”

Julian rubbed the tears out of his eyes and flippantly waved his hand. “Yeah yeah. Politics and all that. It’s DEAD boring.”

Thomas groaned. “Can we get on with the session now?”

“Er, right, yes.” Pat turned his attention back to the blackboard. “In the textbooks Mrs Cartwright gave us at the start of the year there are some questions I would like you to answer. Now, do you all have those books with you?”

There was a long silence.

Pat sighed, “You didn’t bring them, did you?”

“No.” the group chorused.

“You never told us to.” Fanny sniffed.

“Right.” Pat lifted up his shabby rucksack and rummaged around in it, pulling out his own textbook. “Guess we’re sharing.”

So Pat placed his book down on Kitty’s table at the front of the class and the clubbies had crowded around the lone table, all staring down at the book. Nobody said anything for a few moments.

“Well this is fun.” spoke Humphrey, cutting through the silence.

“I can’t read it.” Robin mumbled.

“I can’t see it.” Thomas grumbled. “Move your head out the way, Cap.”

“But then I won’t be able to see it.” Mary whinged.

“I really didn’t think this through, did I?” Pat whined to himself. So far, he was turning out to be a terrible mentor.

“No, you didn’t.” Cap stated calmly. “So now what?”

“You could try reading the questions out to us?” Kitty suggested.

“But you have a short attention span, Kitty.”

“No I don’t!”

“Yes you do!”

“No I- oh look, Pat’s having a breakdown in the corner!”

The class turned to see Pat with his head up the wall. He suddenly turned around and smiled brightly.

“I’ll just write out the questions on the board. Problem solved!”

“Okay.” Julian shrugged.

“So just... talk amongst yourselves for a bit. This may take some time.” he anxiously glanced at the small piece of chalk he would be using to write the long-ass questions.

The class remained silent, watching him in anticipation.

“Erm, I did say you could talk.”

“We know. It’s just more fun to watch!” 

“Pat versus blackboard. Who will win?” Robin grunted.

“My money’s on the chalkboard.” Julian rubbed his hands together. “Two quid says that he concedes to it.”

“You’re on.” Robin shook his hand.

“Get on with it! I want to go home!” Mary complained.

“I think we all do, Mary.” Fanny said. “And that’s exactly where I’m going right now.” she stood up and headed for the door.

“Well spoken, Fanny.” Cap stood up after her. 

Pat felt panicked by their words. “W-What? The club’s not over yet, you can’t just leave!”

“I think you’ll find we can!” Thomas flounced to his feet. “We’re staging a mutiny!”

“Oh a mutiny! I love mutinies!” Kitty followed them with absolutely no idea what mutinies were.

“But we haven’t finished the work yet! Don’t leave!” Pat ran after them. Robin and Julian followed the crowd.

“Does that mean blackboard won?”

“It does Robin. You owe me two quid!” Robin smirked and Robin started grumbling after him about how unfair betting was.

“Sorry Patrick. Your lessons just aren’t very interesting.” Mary admitted with a shrug.

“Yeah, sorry mate. Same time tomorrow though, eh?” Humphrey said, holding the door open for Mary to walk through.

Pat just gaped after them in horror. He’d let them all down and now they’d walked out on him. 

_He’d let them down._


	3. Reprimand

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Intended to get this up last night but fell asleep.
> 
> Enjoy the chaos!

_He’d failed them._

Pat felt horrible. He’d been that terrible as a mentor that his own clubbies had walked out on him because of it.

He stood outside Mrs Cooper’s office with a heavy heart, fingers feathering the little badge he’d made for the himself honouring the club. He had intended on making more badges for his classmates but that wouldn’t happen now.

He was going to quit.

Pat knocked on her office door and on hearing her voice, entered her room. She looked up from marking her work and smiled at him.

“Hi Pat! How’s everything going?”

“They left.” he forced out suddenly. He covered his mouth, not intending on blurting it out so soon.

“Who left?” Mrs Cooper put her pen down, staring at her student with concerned eyes.

“Oh, erm, about that... Um...” he fiddled with his fingers, “Yesterday... with the club... it didn’t go so well.”

“What happened? Nobody hurt you, did they?”

“What? Oh, no, they just... um... well, I think they got bored, so they all just kind of... walked out on me.”

Mrs Cooper spat out her tea, “What?”

“T-They left.” Pat repeated, not expecting her to get this irate over it. “I-It’s okay though, I just wanted you know of my intentions to qu-“

“They left before you were finished?”

“I-It’s not that big of a deal, I know they’re not massive fans of it anyway so-“

“I don’t care what they think!” she snapped, scaring him. She lessened her anger on noticing him tense up. “Thank you for telling me, Pat.” she firmly placed her mug on the table, standing up. “I’ll deal with this. Don’t you worry about a thing.” she walked out of her office, leaving him alone. 

He let out a little pathetic squeak, hoping he hadn’t gotten anyone in trouble.

~~~~~

Julian was walking down the corridor with his large group of friends crowding around him. He was telling them a frisky anecdote about one of the girls in fifth year. It was all made up, of course, but he was doing it for the cause. Julian loved creating chaos and spreading lies about fellow students he didn’t know anything about because it amused him and he enjoyed watching the drama unfold. That being said, the suckers he called his friends were lapping up everything he said as fact. “-and then she said she wanted a fumble around in the bushes, so I said-“

“JULIAN FAWCETT!”

Julian’s head shot around at the shrill yell. He rubbed his ears and stood to attention as Mrs Cooper stormed down the corridor towards him. His friends slowly backed off and left him to face the music alone. He rolled his eyes at their cowardice and approached his teacher. “What have I done now?” he huffed cheekily. 

Mrs Cooper scowled at him. “My classroom, NOW.”

Julian rolled his eyes and trudged after her, having no idea why he’d been called out like that. He decided that it could have been because he harassed those girls in first year, or for being caught drawing those mean-spirited pictures of teachers he detested, or for bullying those geeks in fourth year and stealing their lunch money. He hadn’t a clue until he got there and saw the other members of the dreaded after-school club sulking in the classroom. He grimaced. Now he knew what this was about. That little porky pie had obviously ratted them out.

He slumped down onto a seat next to Kitty as Mrs Cooper stood at the front of the class and started lecturing them. He zoned out for the first few minutes; too busy staring at the wall to take any notice of what she was saying. It wasn’t until she slammed her hand on the desk that he was startled into paying attention.

“-I can’t believe the cheek of you all! We put on this club for your benefit. You can’t just leave mid-lesson! Would you have done that if I had been teaching you?” she shook her head, “Pat’s trying to help you prepare for your exams. Do you want to fail them?”

Julian suppressed a yawn. 

“Quite frankly I’d like to see you all in lunchtime and after-school detentions for at least a month, but I’ve decided against that. We’re going to do something else. Firstly, instead of attending the after-school club three days a week as originally suggested, it will now be five days a week. Five days a week until you all learn how to respect the classroom environment and your fellow students.” Julian audibly groaned. She ignored him. “As well as that, your after-school club is now officially timetabled. Each session has been planned out for you, and I’ve made arrangements for one of the classrooms to be available for you to use indefinitely, so no more walking around in the corridors to waste time.”

The class murmured apologetically.

“Furthermore, do NOT try and undermine Patrick ever again. He’s doing this to help you out of the goodness of his heart and you don’t even have the common decency to stay in his class when he’s helping you! You’ve all showed him a total lack of respect and when you see him next I want each of you to apologize to him for yesterday’s antics.” She let out a sigh, running her hands through her hair, “I’m just so disappointed in you all. You’re better than this.”

“We’re sorry, miss...” Kitty murmured sadly.

“It’s not me you have to apologize to.”

There was a knock at the door. Being the nearest to it, Julian pulled it open, revealing a timid Pat stood there, holding a folder under his arm. His eyes widened at seeing his classmates sitting in the room together. Judging by their tired expressions they’d obviously just had an earful.

“Sorry for interrupting, miss. Mr Cooper wanted me to bring you this file.” he walked over to her desk and handed it to her. She thanked him and he tried to make a quick escape but she called him back.

“I’ve just spoken to them, Pat. They’re not going to run off early again, are you?” she spoke threateningly to them.

“No, miss,” they droned.

“Good.” she looked over the file her husband had just sent. “Okay, I just have to run a quick errand, so Pat will look after you until I’m back.” Mrs Cooper excused herself. 

Pat felt himself panic as their teacher shut the door behind her, leaving him in charge. He didn’t want to be alone in a room with them now, especially after they’d just gotten reprimanded because of him! He bit his tongue and turned to face them. They remained silent for a few minutes until Pat cut through the tension.

“I’m sorry.” he declared, stunning his classmates. 

Thomas frowned, “Why are YOU sorry?”

“I just wanted to help you all. I didn’t mean for Mrs Cooper to shout at you.” he admitted, hoping they wouldn’t hurt him too badly for this.

“It’s not your fault.” Cap offered quietly, “It’s ours.”

Humphrey nodded, “We were selfish.”

“And stupid.” Robin added.

“You’ve been very patient with us.” Mary said. “Even though we haven’t been very nice to you.”

“We’ll be nicer from now on! Honestly we will!” Kitty pleaded.

“You’ve been nice to him anyway, Kitty.” Thomas noted with a roll of his eyes.

“Oh yes, I have, haven’t I?”

Pat was a little taken aback by their apologies. He’d expected them to blame him for it instead. He was used to taking the blame for other people so it felt a little strange being on the other end of the stick. He felt himself going a little red in the face.

“I’m sorry, Patrick.” Fanny stood up before him. “This is all my fault. I’ve been a total... gooseberry!”

“It’s not that we don’t think you’re a good leader...” Humphrey added, “It’s just that our- well, _my_ attention span is practically non-existent. It’s hard to concentrate sometimes.”

“But we’ll try harder now,” Robin put in, “We’ll be good.”

“So do you forgive us?” Thomas asked, genuinely curious.

Pat’s face lit up, “Of course I do! I’ll just try and make things more interesting for you from now on! No hard feelings.”

Pat watched over them until Mrs Cooper returned and she was happy to see them all on speaking terms. She just hoped Pat would manage them with a little more authority from now on so they wouldn’t try to undermine him again. After spending a little bit of time in detention with his clubbies, Mrs Cooper had dismissed him from her class. He felt a little hurt by this, as even though he wasn’t friends them just yet, their company was still better than spending time alone.

Which is pretty much all he did when he wasn’t with them.

As he walked down the school corridors, Pat looked over the new timetable that Mrs Cooper had printed for him. According to the little piece of paper, the club was to focus on art today. This made things difficult for Pat as he wasn’t a natural artist and didn’t think he was very creative either, so had absolutely no idea what he’d be talking about or getting them to do in the session.

Hours flew by and soon the end of school bell rang, signalling it was time for the Teatime Club’s third meeting. After hauling his stationary into his bag and after he was dismissed from his final lesson, Pat made his way over to the club classroom. It was one of the history rooms in the outside history block - the classroom he actually had his lessons in so he knew it well. Although he found it a little sad to admit, he liked spending time in there because the room was pretty. It was decorated with lots of historical facts and pictures from the different ages. He’d always had a thing for history so this room just seemed perfect to him.

When he got there it was empty, but he was soon joined by the rest of his club members. “Hello there! Glad you all found the right room this time!” he chortled, straightening his glasses on the bridge of his nose as they all took a seat at the tables dotted around the room.

“How are you feeling, Pat?” Kitty asked kindly, taking a seat at the front.

“Me? Oh, I feel great, thank you!” he gently feathered the club badge pinned to his blazer.

“So, what do you want us to do today, you grass?” Julian muttered.

“I... don’t actually know. I haven’t prepared anything for today.” Pat admitted gravely. “The timetable says art but I don’t really know how we can revise that.”

“Why don’t we write some poems instead?” Thomas offered. Everyone replied with a no.

“Hm, okay... Maybe we could use this session to wind-down, so to speak. So we could draw things that make us happy and calm us down?” Pat suggested.

“I think that’s a wonderful idea!” Kitty beamed, “There’s a drawer full of paper and colouring pencils over there. Shall I go and get them?” At Pat’s approval, Kitty stood up and pranced over to the drawers, collecting said items. She started handing them out.

“But what if we can’t draw?” Cap cleared his throat, staring down at the blank page Kitty had just handed to him. “Or can’t think of anything to draw.”

“Just give it a go anyway.” Pat replied optimistically. “You like war and tanks and stuff like that, don’t you?”

“So?” Cap almost snapped, assuming Pat was making fun of him.

“You could draw something like those! Maybe a spitfire or some poppies or something. Just anything that pops into your head and calms you down, I suppose.”

Cap raised an eyebrow. He grabbed his pencil and began sketching. Pat smiled and moved over to Mary and Robin’s table. Both had already started doodling.

“That’s great, Robin! What are you drawing?” Pat asked, trying to make out the circular shaped objects.

“The Earth and the Moonah.”

“You mean the Moon?”

“Yes.”

“Okay.” Pat didn’t even question it. “And what about you, Mary?”

“Cows.” she replied, adding their udders as she spoke. 

“Well that’s great! Keep at it, you two!” he moved over to Fanny and Humphrey’s table. “What are you guys up to?”

Humphrey showed him a masterpiece of a sketch. “I’m trying to draw my pet cat, Toodles, but the markings are coming up wrong.” he frowned, erasing the lines. 

Pat beamed at his artwork, “Wow! That looks amazing and so realistic! You’re so talented!”

Humphrey just smirked and shrugged it off. Pat glanced over at Fanny’s empty sheet.

“I can’t do it!” Fanny moaned. “Do I have to do this? I can’t draw at all! ”

“Yes you can! I believe in you! You’re much better than you think, Fanny.” he smiled brightly, causing her own mouth to turn up at his kind words. 

“Well, if you think so I suppose I ought to try.” she took her pen and started sketching.

“What are you going to draw?” he asked.

“A self-portrait. I intend to blow Humphrey’s drawing out of the water!” she teased, a rare smile gracing her lips.

“Dream on, Fanny.” Humphrey chuckled.

Pat smiled and made his way over to Julian at the back of the classroom, a little nervous to see what the ruffian had drawn. “Um, hello Julian. What are you drawing?”

“Tits. Lots and lots of tits.”

Pat swallowed uneasily, “I’m assuming you don’t mean birds.”

Julian held up his piece of paper with a devious grin, “They’re birds alright.”

Pat clapped his hands together, “Moving on!” he quickly span on his heel and walked beside Kitty and Thomas’ desk. Kitty was drawing lots of little animals and flowers.

“That’s excellent, Kitty!” he encouraged, causing her to gratefully giggle. He looked over at Thomas’ drawing and saw that he was sketching Mrs Cooper. “And... that’s very good, Thomas.”

“Do you think she’ll be able to tell who drew it?” Thomas asked dreamily.

“Um, well, you did write your name at the bottom.”

“Blast! Now I won’t be able to give it her!” he whined. “Could you give it to her, Pat? On my behalf?”

“You do know she’s married, Thomas? And your teacher...”

“Spare me the heartbreak!” he flopped on the desk.

Pat cleared his throat. 

“What are you going to draw, Patrick?” Kitty asked.

“M-Me? Er, well, I wasn’t really going to-“

“Go on! Draw something!” she enthused. “What’s good for the goose is good for the gander!”

“And you’re the goose!” Julian snarked from behind them.

“Oh, well, okay.” he made his way over to the front desk and sat down, beginning to draw a picture of a dog. He loved dogs but his parents wouldn’t let him have one. He’d tried to convince them that he’d care for it and provide for it but they still refused, so he swore to himself that one day he’d get one. Pat briefly glanced up to see what his clubbies were doing. Despite the fact none of them really liked one another, they still seemed to be maintaining light conversation with one another. They seemed to actually be... bonding. Pat was helping them bond! 

He felt himself squee internally. If they were happy, he was happy.

“Pat! Julian’s being rude!”

He looked up at Mary’s cry to see Julian out of his seat, trousers around his ankles. Pat covered his eyes and stood up to address the issue. “Julian! Please sit down and buckle up, man!”

“She wanted to know what the full monty was and I intend to show her!” he laughed, going to pull his briefs down too. Mary squealed and covered her eyes and Julian laughed loudly until he was tackled onto the floor by an angry Robin. Julian pushed Robin off and the duo started brawling around the classroom.

Pat sighed. To keep them happy would take some doing.


	4. Trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for your kind reviews! Hope you enjoy the next chapter! c:

The next few days passed a treat. 

Pat found that in the short space of time he’d been mentoring, he’d started to get to know his fellow students and was coming to understand their quirks, thoughts, and motivations a little better. In some sessions he’d been working with them on an individual basis and Pat’s naturally curious and perceptive nature had already got him psychoanalysing them. He’d decided that Robin, Mary, Kitty and Julian were much easier to read than Humphrey, Fanny and Cap. But Thomas... Thomas was another story.

“Patrick, I don’t quite understand why the formulae has to be written out in this order. Care to enlighten me as to why?”

Shaking himself out of his musings, Pat hopped over to Thomas and pulled up a chair alongside him. “No problemo!” he cocked his leg over the chair and sat on it back to front, resting his arms on the chair back. “You see Thomas, formulae-“

“Paaaaat!” Kitty wailed, “I am in need of your assistance!”

“So do I!” Mary whined alongside her. “These numbers and letters confuse me!”

He looked over at them, “Sorry girls, I’m with Thomas at the mo’, if you could just wai-“

“Hold up, Pat,” Humphrey stood up, turning to the girls, “I can help you if you want. I’ve just finished.” he offered, walking over.

“That’s so kind of you!” Kitty beamed, fluttering her eyes at him. “Thanks Humphrey!”

“It’s a pleasure.”

Pat felt pleased by this gesture because it taught him something new about Humphrey - he was kind and eager to help. This contrasted the arrogant image that school rumours had led him to believe. 

Pat explained to Thomas what he needed to know about his maths work. Once finished, Thomas nodded in thanks and continued on with his work, leaving Pat free to roam about the classroom again. He wandered over to Fanny who seemed to be eying up Cap from afar. On seeing Pat approach she quickly continued on with her work, giving him a taut smile as he passed by. Pat nodded appreciatively and made his way over to Julian and Robin. Despite their fight a few days prior, the two were apparently best friends now, with Robin enjoying all of the raunchy gossip Julian was providing him with.

“-so then Alice decides to take her top off and of course, James being the gentleman that he is, let her remove her skirt too-“

“Julian.” Pat warned, “Do you think that story’s really appropriate for right now?”

Julian frowned in thought before deciding, “Um... yes?”

“I agree.” Robin grinned devilishly.

Pat shook his head, “No it isn’t! Keep it for your own time please.”

“This is my own time.” he replied, causing Robin to snort. “Technically.”

“You should be doing your work.” Pat tried again. 

Julian just shrugged.

“Please?” Pat sighed, a little wary of the posh boy. Julian could be difficult to handle. Pat didn’t really want to end up on his enemy list so tried to stay on his good side as much as he could. He didn’t want to goad him. He didn’t want Julian as an enemy. Not at all.

“You too Robin.”

“Bleh.” Robin dismissed him with a wave of his hand, slouching into the table and on top of his work as he scanned it closely. Pat turned away from Robin to see Julian still hadn’t moved.

“Julian!” he huffed, causing the troublesome teen to sniff amusedly, “Why can’t you be more like Humphrey, or Cap-“ he looked to where Cap had been quietly sitting doing his work and found the spot empty. “Oh! Where’s he gone?” Pat panicked, head turning anxiously. “I didn’t see him leave!”

“Didn’t hear him either.” Robin added unhelpfully, drawing pictures on Julian’s work.

“He walked out a few minutes ago.” Fanny overheard his plea, “But I don’t know where he went.”

“He’s just outside on the step! I can see him through the window.” Mary said, craning her neck to get a better look.

“Thanks guys.” Pat made his way over to the door and opened it, “Alright. I’m just going to check on him. Be good please. Fanny, you’re in charge.” he pulled the door to.

Cap was just outside, leaning against the mobile door. Pat opened it a crack and popped his head out. “Are you alright, mate? I didn’t hear you leave.”

“Fine thank you, Patrick.” Cap replied bluntly, not giving Pat much to work with.

“Oh, well... okay. Well, if the work’s too hard or something, I can-“

“No, it’s not that. The work’s fine. I just needed a breather.”

“Oh...” Pat mused. He looked closely at his companion. There were heavy bags under his eyes. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I told you I’m fine. Don’t you have something more important to deal with?”

“Right, er- sorry!” Pat squeaked, ducking back into the porch. There was something obviously bothering Cap. Pat turned and walked back inside the classroom. 

He was met with chaos. 

Mary and Kitty were holding onto the closet door handle, laughing their heads off as Julian and Robin span around Thomas who was tied to the teacher’s desk chair by some string they’d hijacked from one of the drawers. The cries of Thomas blended in with the muffled cries of Fanny’s, who was trapped in the storeroom and banging on the door to be let out. As this was going on Humphrey was casually sitting at his table, apparently oblivious to the madness surrounding him because he was busy doing the girls’ work.

“Guys!” Pat cried. “What are you doing?”

“We’re playing damsels in distress!” Kitty giggled.

“I keep telling you I’m not a damsel!” Thomas roared, getting dizzier as Robin increased the spinning. 

“But you’re in distress!” Julian high fived Robin then rubbed his hand on his blazer.

“Stop it!” Pat shrieked, causing them all to cease laughing. “Untie Thomas and let Fanny out at once!”

“Kinky.” Julian smirked, releasing a dizzy Thomas from the chair. The girls let go of the handle and an angry Fanny charged out of the storeroom.

“You barbarians!” she shrieked, “I can’t believe you would do something like that to me!” 

“You were asking for it, really.” Julian deadpanned.

“Why did they lock her in there?” Pat asked.

“It was for drama club!” Kitty smiled, “Mary and I were talking about damsels in distresses for the play I’m writing. So we made one out of Fanny and Thomas too because he’s funny.” she laughed at Thomas who was struggling back to his chair.

“We were experimenting. We want Kitty’s play to be authentic.” Mary nodded.

“Oh.” Pat cleared his throat, “Well, let’s not do that again in lesson time, shall we? Come on guys, sit down and finish off your work. If you get it done quickly I’ll let you go earlier.”

“Does that mean I can go now then?” Humphrey asked. “‘Cause I’ve finished now.”

Pat felt saddened that he wanted to leave so soon. “Um, well, if you want to.”

“Great!” he stood up and started packing his things away. He looked over at the downtrodden Pat and instantly felt bad about leaving so soon. Slinging his bag over his shoulder, he walked over to the shorter boy and beckoned him over to the storeroom so they could speak in private. Once inside, Humphrey closed the door.

“Hey... It’s not that I want to leave your classes or anything, but-“

“You don’t have to explain yourself to me, Humphrey. I understand.” Pat gave him a tight smile but Humphrey shook his head.

“It’s not what you think, honestly.” Humphrey bit his tongue. “I actually really enjoy your classes.”

Finding himself smiling honestly at the unexpected praise, Pat clasped his hands behind his back, “Oh! Well... thank you!”

“No problem. Thing is, my parents don’t actually know about these classes. They actually think I’m in detention.” he scoffed.

“Detention?” Pat quizzed. It wasn’t often Humphrey found himself in detention.

“Yeah. Well, I know Mrs Cooper wanted our parents to know about these extra classes but my parents would... not be happy if they found out their ‘brainiac of a son’ was staying after school attending support sessions. So I try to leave early to keep up the pretence. Sorry about not telling you. I just... don’t want you to feel bad because it’s not your fault.”

Pat felt his face heating up. Was his disappointment THAT obvious? Not that he would ever admit it, but Pat had always thought highly of Humphrey. It was because he was always so cool and easy-going and he possessed a regal sort of quality that people respected him for. Despite being a loner type he was actually really popular and seemed to have lots of friends. The fact that Humphrey was even attending his classes left Pat in awe. He’d be chuffed if he had a friend like Humphrey.

Or any friend, really.

“It’s not your fault either!” Pat burst out suddenly. He paused nervously and straightened his glasses, “W-What I mean is, you can’t help what your parents are like! S-So don’t worry about about anything, okay? I won’t tell Mrs Cooper and you can leave early, providing you’ve done the work, of course.”

“Cheers Pat. I do appreciate this.” Humphrey nodded, “Although I know I’ll get a ribbing off the guys for this.”

“I’ll sort them out.” Pat responded proudly, “O-Or, well, try to, at least.” he laughed nervously.

Humphrey laughed with him, “Sweet. Well, thanks again.” he opened the door for him, allowing Pat to walk under his arm. 

“Thank you.” Pat murmured, then turned to the class, “Um, Humphrey has to leave now.”

“Yeah, I’m off.” Humphrey addressed his classmates, “Laters!”

“Bye!”

“See you later!”

“Why does he get to leave early?”

“That’s not fair!”

Pat waved him off with a smile. “Humphrey has... a doctor’s note.”

“You mean he’s ill?” Kitty gasped. 

“Uh... something like that, yes.”

“I heard him complaining about his neck.” Fanny put in, “So it may be something to do with that.”

“He’s a pain in the neck, more like,” shot Julian, causing Cap, who had rejoined in the interim to roll his eyes.

“A bigger pain than you?” he quipped back.

“Me? A pain? How could you even suggest such an idea, sir?” Julian said with mock hurt.

“Well you are annoying.” Mary said, the other girls nodding in agreement.

“Okay guys, we’re getting a little off-topic now so let’s bring it back down to the numbers.”

“I don’t want to bring it back down to the numbers!” Thomas cried dramatically, flopping over the table. “I hate the numbers!”

“Oh stop your whining, Thomas. We’re all in the same boat!” Fanny grumbled.

“Yeah, the Titanic!”

“Did someone say tits?”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Tits?”

“Stop saying tits!”

“Guys!” Pat shrieked, “Focus!”

“Tits to that.” Julian snickered, causing Pat to facepalm.


	5. Cheese

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slightly slower update.
> 
> Time for more angst and madness! c:

Pat had his head buried in a book. It was lunchtime and he was sitting alone on a table in the far corner of the canteen away from everyone else. He’d actually managed to get a bit of free time to himself due to a certain group of students being stuck in detention all lunch which meant he was actually able to do what he wanted, so he decided to catch up on his reading. 

He was so absorbed in his book that he didn’t hear a certain heavy-footed classmate approaching.

“This seat taken?” came a gruff voice. Pat was pulled out of his stupor to see Robin standing next to him.

“Oh, hello Robin! No, it’s not.” he slid his bookmark inside his most treasured possession and closed it. 

“Good.” the scruffy teen lowered himself onto the seat with a plod. “How are you today?”

“M-Me? Oh, I’m fine. How are you?”

“Okay.” Robin replied, his tone a little sad. Pat caught onto this and leaned in closer.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” he practically whispered. Robin was so easy to read.

Robin held his hands together and fidgeted on the seat, something obviously on his mind. He folded his arms to steady himself and turned his head away from Pat. “Maybe.”

“Do you want to talk about it?” Pat offered, taking a sip from his juice carton. 

“Do you know anything about... girls?”

Pat almost spat out his juice. He hadn’t expected Robin to come out with anything like that.

“Um, well, not really. Why?”

“It’s just that... I have this friend who likes this girl, right? But my friend doesn’t know how to tell her he likes her because he likes her a lot but doesn’t know why - maybe because her hair smells like strawberries or something but like my friend is worried what to do next. And stuff.”

“Oh! Well... this isn’t really my forte, Robin. Perhaps you should ask Thomas.” Pat bit his tongue, feeling a little bad about not being able to help him. He really couldn’t though. Nobody had ever fancied him because he was too short, fat and ugly for anyone to even consider him as a crush. He was hopeless.

“Ask Thomas what?” came a snooty voice from behind them.

“Oh, hi Thomas!” Pat greeted warmly. “Robin was just asking me about-“

“Forget it!” Robin rose to his feet. “Thomas isn’t good with romance.”

Thomas let out a sharp gasp, “I’ll have you know I’m excellent in matters of the heart!” 

Robin just shrugged him off with a laugh, dismissing himself from their table. Thomas angrily stared him down as he sauntered away. Pat cleared his throat and hopefully patted the seat next to him. After a brief moment of consideration, Thomas sat down. He let out a mournful sigh and slowly turned to the shorter teen.

“How are you today, Patrick?”

“M-Me? Oh, I’m just fine thank you, Thomas. Are you?”

“No, not really.” he sighed again, “Mrs Cooper hasn’t spoken to me for a WHOLE day! I miss her...”

“Right...” Pat didn’t know what to say to that. Instead he changed the subject. “Erm, so, are you ready for our English club later on? I know you like English!”

“Love it, actually.” Thomas corrected, “So I’m sure to blow everyone away with my work.”

“Y-You might be able to help them too!” Pat suggested. He was met with a look of distain from the lankier teenager.

“Isn’t that your job?” Thomas droned accusingly.

Pat just shrugged his shoulders, “Every little helps?”

“Pah. I shan’t waste my time on those cretins.” he sneered. “I’d rather sit and work on my poetry.”

“But we’re doing poetry!”

“And I’m doing MY poetry.”

Pat sighed. And he thought JULIAN was difficult to deal with. “Whatever you say, Thomas.”

“Good. I’ll see you later then.” Thomas swiftly made his leave.

“Bye...”

Thomas strutted away, leaving Pat alone once more. 

~~~~~

Later that day, Pat was walking to his next lesson when Mrs Cooper popped her head out of her classroom, stopping him in the corridor. “Hi Pat!”

“Good afternoon Mrs Cooper.” he replied, “Can I help you with something?”

“I was just wondering how everything was going with the club. You haven’t had any more problems since, have you?” she asked, leaning against her door.

“N-No, not since.” he bowed his head a little. 

“So I take it you’ve all been getting along well?”

“To an extent.” Pat smiled. It would be a while longer until they bonded as friends, if ever.

“Good. As I recall it’s your English day today. I suggest you go over some of the poetry concepts we’ve been studying in class. Thomas is quite the wordsmith and may be able to help you help the others.”

Pat pulled at his shirt collar. “Y-Yes, that’s a good idea.”

“I’m glad you agree!” she chortled, “I’ll see you next lesson Pat. Have a good day!”

“Thank you miss, you too.” he continued on his way, feeling more awkward about the situation. Thomas had already said no but that was before Mrs Cooper had asked him about it. Did he dare ask Thomas again?

Pat went to lesson and about twenty minutes in he needed the toilet, so was briefly excused by his teacher. As he entered the stairwell, he heard a small echo of a sigh. He stepped down the stairs and peered under the staircase to find Thomas laying down on the large radiator, hands on his chest as he stared above him.

“Thomas?”

“Oh go away.” Thomas snorted.

Feeling a little insulted, Pat turned away but Thomas called him back.

“No, wait. I’m sorry. Please don’t go.” he whispered desperately.

Pat joined him under the staircase. “Are you okay?”

“No Patrick, I’m not okay.” he sighed, turning away from his peer.

“Do... you want to talk about it?”

“I’m lonely.” Thomas admitted immediately, staring at the wall. “Nobody likes me.”

“I like you!” Pat gave him a supportive smile.

“But nobody likes you either! That’s no good to me!” Thomas snapped, leaving Pat feeling hurt.

It took Pat a few minutes to recover from his barbed comment, “...you just have to try and make the best of a situation, I suppose.” Pat’s glassy eyes met the floor. “It’s difficult but you have to learn how to tolerate yourself...”

“How?”

“Become your own best friend. That way you’ll never be lonely.”

“How can I do that if nobody likes me?”

“Well, I like you.” Pat intoned, “And yes, maybe that’s not good enough in your eyes because I’m not posh, or talented or cool or anything, but I still care about you, whether you like it or not.”

“You... care about me?” Thomas turned to him with widening eyes.

“I care about all my clubbies.” Pat said proudly, adjusting his glasses, “I want to see you all do well. I want to help you all improve your grades and I want YOU to finally start believing in yourself!”

“Patrick...”

“You don’t need anyone’s validation, Thomas. You’re better off without them.” Pat smiled, feeling better now that he was cheering someone up. “Besides, I think you’re brilliant.” he bounced up and down on his tiptoes. “And I’m your mentor so I know what I’m talking about.”

Thomas stared at Pat, a sense of guilt emanating from his chest. The shorter boy was being really nice to him despite Thomas’ earlier rudeness. Nobody had ever advised Thomas like that before so for once he was actually at a loss for words. It was rare that anybody ever spoke to him of their own free will in general. People seemed to avoid Thomas completely, yet Pat, a complete stranger he vaguely knew from another clsss in his year group, remained steadfast in his attempts to brighten his spirits.

“Do you really think so?” Thomas asked, needing confirmation. “Brilliant?”

Pat nodded, “Of course! I know everyone teases you about your poetry but I actually like it. It’s very vivid. I don’t know much about poetry but I definitely think it should be vivid.” he admitted, feathering his glasses. “Now I think you stop moping about and get back to class before Mrs Beaker finds out you’re skipping it.”

Thomas slid off the radiator, now in a better mood. “Like you’re doing?” he replied with a touch of mirth.

Pat shook his head and held the door open for him as they walked into the corridor, “Nah, I’m on a toilet break. The people you run into, eh? Wasn’t intending on giving a pep talk to a poet.” he chuckled.

“Well I’m very glad you did.” Thomas admitted quietly, stopping by his classroom door.

This made Pat smile brighter. “I’ll see you later, Thomas.” 

“Goodbye, Patrick.”

The two went their separate ways.

~~~~~

“I thought this was science club?” Kitty asked, looking around for confirmation. 

“No, Kitty, we already told you it was English. Even the timetable says so!”

“What timetable?” she asked, flicking through her school planner, “I don’t have a timetable. I just have a list of subjects with little numbers next to them.”

“Kitty, that IS the timetable.”

“Oh, really? I thought it was the classroom list.”

Fanny groaned loudly as the pair sat in the history class waiting for the rest of their after-school classmates to show up. The pair had bumped into each other in the corridor as the end of school bell had chimed and Kitty had practically clung to Fanny all the way to class.

Fanny tapped her pen on the blank page of her book impatiently. She’d hoped class would have started by now so they could get an early leave. Like Humphrey’s parents, hers also felt insulted that she was attending after school sessions because they knew she was intelligent and thought those classes were beneath her. If only they knew...

“Oh come on. Where are they?” she muttered.

The door soon opened and in walked Cap, Mary and Robin. 

“Good afternoon.” greeted Cap, making his way over to an empty table.

“You’re late!” Fanny snapped, “Where’s Patrick? He’s normally the first one here!”

“I don’t know!” Robin huffed. “Don’t shout at us.”

“Did you see him in the school?” Kitty asked. Mary shook her head.

“No, but we saw Thomas being laughed at by Paul and his friends.”

“Oh.” 

“What’s new?” Robin laughed.

The door flew open and Thomas fell into the classroom, having just been kicked in by Julian.

“I told you to get out of the way!” Julian huffed, following him in. Humphrey followed behind, rolling his eyes.

Thomas stood up and pointed at Julian. “I demand revenge!”

“Shut up, Thomas.”

The door suddenly banged open, a dishevelled Pat hurrying in.

“S-Sorry I’m late!” he apologised, shoving his books into his bag and throwing it onto the desk chair. “I had a... thing.” He swiftly brushed himself down and straightened his glasses, feeling himself going red under their watchful eyes. “Um, so, poetry! Yes! Um...” he glanced at Thomas, hoping the other boy would help him out.

Thomas glared at him. Then huffed and slowly emerged from his seat, plodding to the front of the class. He turned to them with an elegant spin. “Patrick asked me to help present the lesson today because we’re doing poetry and he knows how good I am at it.”

“Boo!” called Julian, earning a warning glare from Pat.

“So instead of calling me names YOU WILL RESPECT ME! At least only for now. Understand?” Thomas demanded.

The class begrudgingly nodded. Even Julian.

Thomas bowed his head in appreciation. “So! Today, Patrick and I are going to teach you the fundamentals of poetry. But mainly me as he clearly doesn’t know what he’s doing.” he glared at Pat, who had started writing what he deemed poetry was on the board.

A little later into the session, the clubbies were all getting on with the work Pat had set them. Thomas was trying to help Julian but the two ended up having an argument about cheese. Pat just ignored them and wandered about the classroom. The others seemed to be getting on fine.

“Are you all alright?”

“Fine thanks mate.” Humphrey replied.

“Yes, all good here.” Robin said as the girls nodded.

Pat nodded back and moseyed over to Cap, who hadn’t responded. “Are you okay, Cap?”

Cap seemed to be in a trance. Pat gently poked him, causing the rigid boy to jump which in turn made Pat jump.

“I’m sorry, were you talking to me? I was miles away.” Cap straightened up.

“S-So I see! You all good?”

“Yes, I’m fine.”

“And the work?”

“Yes, it’s easy enough. Thomas explained it quite well. Surprisingly.”

“I heard that!”

Cap gave a wry smile. Pat offered him a thumbs up.

“Oi! Arbuckle! Will you get over here and tell old Byron-pants that the best type of cheese is Stilton!”

“It is not! It’s Wensleydale! What kind of cretin puts Stilton first?”

“What kind of loser eats cranberries in cheese?”

“Are you two STILL arguing about this?” Pat moved over to them.

“He started it!” Thomas accused.

“No, Mr Fancypants here started it!”

“Guys, please! You’re setting a bad example to the rest of the clubbies!” he gave a little sigh, “You don’t have to argue over opinions. Everyone is entitled to their own and there’s no right or wrong answer to them. Okay?”

“Julian shouldn’t have such crappy opinions then.”

Julian pushed himself away from his desk and stood up defensively. “What did you say?”

“Guys! Stop it!” Pat pleaded, holding his arms out. “Thomas, I think your work here is done so please go back to your table. Julian, please sit down and get on with your work. We don’t need any more violence!”

Thomas tutted and obeyed Pat. Julian did the same, slouching back down into his seat.

Pat let out a big sigh. The sound of applause broke through his train of thought and he was surprised to see the rest of the class bar Cap and Fanny clapping his efforts.

“Good job Pat!” whistled Humphrey.

“You actually took charge and everything!” Kitty grinned.

Pat shuffled shyly, “O-Oh! Well, it was nothing, really.”

“Finally decided to grow a backbone?” Fanny mumbled to Cap, who chuckled at the remark.

“You did good to shut them up.” Mary smirked, “Especially Julian.”

“I can hear you, you know!” came Julian’s whine. “Anyway, what’s wrong with me? THOMAS is the problem.”

“What’s right with him?” Robin muttered dryly, causing the rest of the class to laugh. 

Julian just rolled his eyes and buried his head in his work.


	6. Conversations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so begins the ballad of Pat trying to help people.

This was a problem.

Pat stared at his ugly reflection in the mirror. A dark circle marred his right cheek. The bruise was sore and swollen and worst of all, _obvious_.

“Great.” Pat muttered to himself, standing on his tiptoes to get a closer look in the mirror. He didn’t really want everyone to know about his little injury because it was embarrassing, if anything, as it brought attention to himself. It was a symbol of his weakness. It would raise too many questions. 

If he could just make it through the day with his head down then nobody would notice it. 

The short teenager pushed the toilet door open and walked into the corridor. It was dead at this time in the morning as it was at least an hour before school even started, so he had a lot of time to kill. He sighed and made his way to his tutor room, hoping it was open. He walked another three laps around the school. As he was walking through the humanities passageway for a third time, he heard a strange noise that he couldn’t place. He stopped and looked around, finding the hallways empty. He listened intently and came to recognize the sound.

It was... crying.

Now concerned, Pat followed the source of the noise and ended up down a smaller corridor leading to a rogue English classroom. On reaching the classroom, he peered through the door window. 

Inside was Mary. 

She was slumped over one of the tables with her head buried in her arms, crying her eyes out. Pat’s first instinct was to see how she was but he didn’t want to scare her. He gently tapped on the door but she didn’t move. 

“Mary?” he spoke softly.

Her crying seemed to cease for a moment and she lifted her head. Her eyes were puffy and red as she wiped away her tears with her sleeve. Pat entered the room and cautiously approached her.

“Oh darling, are you okay?”

His kind expression set off a fresh wave of tears and she threw her hands up to her face, cupping her eyes as she wept. She shook her head. Pat knelt beside her and handed her a tissue from the desk behind him. She nodded gratefully and dabbed her eyes, scrunching up the tissue to then blow her nose. Pat waited patiently until she was ready to talk.

“S-Sorry about this.” she stuttered, “My emotions just boiled over and I-I couldn’t control them.”

“Everyone needs a little cry now and again. There’s no shame in that, Mary.” he replied kindly.

Mary gave him a small smile. “T-Thanks Pat.”

“Do you feel better now?”

“A little bit, yes.” she sniffed. “It’s just that... my parents are splitting up. They’re going through the processes of a divorce and it didn’t really hit me until I saw them talking it through with their legal people. It’s real. So real. My family is breaking apart and I can’t do anything to stop it.” she started sobbing again.

Pat gently patted her back as she let out her tears, not knowing what else to say. He was terrible at social cues, especially when dealing with people in a heightened emotional state. He’d never been tasked with comforting anybody like this before. He hadn’t needed to. “I-I’m sure everything will turn out okay, Mary. You’ll learn to adjust to the changes. It may be extremely difficult at times, but that’s okay. You’re allowed to be upset over this. Have you told your parents how you feel?”

She wiped her eyes and shook her head, “I don’t want to get involved. It’ll make things difficult for them.”

“But it’s hurting you! Your feelings matter, Mary! They are valid! You are valid! I really think you should tell them, honestly. It might make you feel better.”

Mary blew her nose again, “D-Do you really think so?”

Pat shook his head, “I know so, Mary. They need to know how you’re feeling. It may not change anything but it’ll help them understand what their divorce is doing to you.”

Mary absorbed his words and wiped her eyes. She stood up and Pat followed her movement, wincing a little as his legs had gone dead from his awkward pose. Mary looked on her classmate fondly and pulled him into a hug. Pat flinched a little, not expecting the contact, and patted her back. 

Mary pulled away. “Thank you, Patrick. Would you... mind not telling the others about this?” 

Pat straightened his glasses, “I won’t tell a soul.”

“Thank you.” she recomposed herself. After a few moments she noticed that Pat was carrying an injury on his face. “How did you get that?”

“Get what? Oh! This? Oh, er, I kind of fell into a door, believe it or not. I’m really clumsy.” he gave it a little rub, causing the pain to flare up.

“You should put some ointment on that.” she commented.

“I don’t have any.”

“I think Kitty has some. You should ask her to borrow.”

“Oh, well... maybe.” 

Mary tucked her chair back under the table and left the room, Pat following alongside. A few more people had turned up at school now so the corridors were a little busier. Mary and Pat walked together for a little while until Mary decided to go to her tutor room.

“I’ll see you later then, Pat. Thanks for everything.” she smiled.

“Oh, no worries! It’s what I’m here for. See you later!” he said cheerily, waving her off.

He was about to carry on walking to class when he was abruptly accosted by Robin. The other boy had seemingly phased out of nowhere and started prodding his chest.

“Why were you talking to Mary?” he asked with a frown.

Pat could practically see the envy sizzling off of him. “She just needed someone to talk to for a moment. Nobody else was here, so...”

“Oh. That’s okay then.” he ceased his prodding and folded his arms. “She okay now?”

Pat made an executive decision. “Yes, but, um, Robin? I think she could do with cheering up today.”

“How do I do that?”

“Oh, um, I’m not sure. Maybe just... spend some time with her. Make her laugh. Give her a gift... or something?”

Robin nodded, “I will keep that in mind.”

“Good! Well, I best get going to class, so-“

“How did you get that bruise?” Robin asked, pointing at said injury.

“I tripped into a door.”

“Okay.” Robin replied with a hint of suspicion. “See you later.” he swiftly went charging off down the corridor with his arms stretched out.

“Erm, okay. Goodbye Robin...”

~~~~~

The morning passed slowly as ever. The lessons continued to drag until lunchtime, when Pat was finally freed from the monotony.

As he made his way into the school canteen, Pat spotted the solitary Cap sitting at one of the tables. He smiled and headed on over to him, hoping the other boy would accept his company. 

“M-May I sit here please?” he asked hopefully.

“Providing you no longer stutter, yes.” came Cap’s dismissive reply, not even looking up at him.

“I-I don’t stutter!” Pat stuttered, covering his mouth self-consciously. He lowered himself down on a seat and pulled out his lunch box. Pat ate his lunch quietly beside the taller boy. After finishing he put his lunch box away and looked over at his companion, who hadn’t said a word.

“Um, so, how are you doing, mate?” he tried.

“Fine.” came Cap’s blunt reply.

“Oh! Okay...” Pat had expected a little more than just that to go by. “How has your day been?”

“Adequate.”

“Well, okay then.”

Cap tensed up beside him.

“So... what have you been up to?”

“What’s with all of these questions?” Cap snapped, startling Pat.

“I-I just wanted to see-“

“You’re just being nosy, that’s all.”

“I’m not!” Pat replied with wide eyes, “I‘m just trying to be-“

“I don’t care!” Cap scowled. “I have enough on my plate already. I don’t want to have to be dealing with you, too.”

Pat’s mouth dropped open, hurt radiating from his chest. Why did nobody ever want to deal with him?

“You need to man up, Patrick.” Cap’s eyes idly bounced over to some popular boys in their year. “When that happens people will actually start treating you with respect.”

Pat was lost for words. He glanced down into his lap as his confidence dissipated. He was used to being told to man up at home. He hadn’t expected to hear it here, too. It made him feel even more worthless to hear it coming from a classmate.

“Are you okay?” Pat cut through his barbs, trying to redirect the focus back onto the taller boy.

“Stop asking me that.”

“I don’t mean to pry, but you’re clearly not!”

“You don’t know anything about me! Stop pretending you know me and leave me alone!”

“...I’m just trying-“

“Well _don’t_. I don’t want your sympathy and I don’t want to be friends with you. Leave me alone.”

“I-I’m sorry...”

“Go away, Pat.”

Pat rose to his feet and swiftly trundled away from the table. Cap watched after his classmate and sighed, his frown melting away.

This was for the best.

~~~~~

“Where is he?” Fanny groaned, “He’s late again!”

“I’ll be complaining to Mrs Cooper about this.” Julian nodded his head. “I can’t ABIDE lateness.”

“But you’re always late to lesson.” Humphrey rolled his eyes.

“Well that’s different.” Julian snorted.

“Has anyone seen him today? 

“I saw him this morning.” Mary replied. “But not since then.”

“Anyone else?”

“I saw him at lunchtime.” Cap admitted, deciding not to elaborate further.

“If he doesn’t turn up can we go home?”

“We should stay, really. I don’t want to get into trouble again.”

Their conversation was interrupted when the door unceremoniously burst open, a panicked Pat spilling through.

“S-Sorry I’m late!” he panted. “M-Mrs Cooper wanted to see me about something.”

“Well it’s about time.” muttered Julian.

“No harm done.”

“Oh Patrick! What happened to your face?” Kitty gasped, noticing his injury.

Pat pretended he hadn’t heard her. He quickly dumped his bag in his chair and stood in front of the class. “Sorry! Um, what were we doing again? Oh, yes, chemistry, wasn’t it?”

“Chemistry...” Robin repeated slowly, eyes glancing over to Mary.

“I can’t STAND chemistry.” Thomas drawled.

Pat retrieved a folder from his backpack and pulled out some worksheets. The others caught wind of this and groaned loudly.

“Worksheets?”

“I thought we weren’t doing worksheets any more!” Julian groaned. “Make your mind up!”

“I-I’m really sorry, I didn’t have much time to prepare for this session. If you’d rather not do this then I can think of something else.” Pat hugged the stack of sheets close to his chest.

“Worksheets are fine with me.” Humphrey broke the tension, giving Pat a supportive smile. The others soon followed suit, and Pat passed them the worksheets to complete. Once everyone had finally gotten settled, Pat took a seat at the front of the class. He idly rubbed his aching arm and watched them. Robin and Mary were quietly talking to one another. Her smile indicated she was feeling much better now, so at least that was something.

Pat warily glanced over at Cap, who was doing his best to push off Julian’s attempts of copying his work. A sense of guilt emanated from Pat’s chest when thinking of their earlier encounter and a new feeling bubbled up inside him.

It was fear.

“Pat? Mind helping me with something?” came Kitty’s sweet voice. Pulling himself out of his reverie, Pat went to assist her. 

“Yes Kitty?”

“Would you mind explaining to me how the bonding works?” she asked.

Pat was slightly taken aback by her phrasing, “Bonding?”

“Yes! Fanny says that the ball things are called Adams and they push together and crack. Is that how they make the baby?”

“Adam? Do you mean atom?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never met him.”

Pat couldn’t help but facepalm.


	7. Nonsensicality

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys enjoy this chapter! T’was fun to write.
> 
> Btw, if anyone would like to talk Ghosts with me, I do have a Discord! Just yeet over your username and I’ll add you. 
> 
> Thanks for your support! <3

“Julian!”

“No.”

“Please!”

“No.”

“But this is your forte!”

“Don’t care.”

“At least do it for the group?”

“No.”

Pat sighed and addressed the class as a whole. “Okay guys, since Julian is unwilling to volunteer today, how about somebody else having a go, hm?”

The class went silent.

“Oh come on guys! If you feel stupid doing it, I’ll do the first one to demonstrate!” he encouraged. 

“We don’t need a demonstation. We already know what to do.” Thomas groaned.

“Well then let’s get on with it!” 

The class refused to move. 

Pat exhaled deeply. The lesson of the day was drama, which sucked for Pat as none of the class seemed motivated to do anything, let alone move. They were all tired and cranky. Even Kitty, who would normally jump at the chance to do anything like this, was feeling particularly lazy. They’d obviously all had an exhausting day, which was strange because Pat was feeling unusually bright considering he’d had his head stuffed down a toilet. 

He removed his glasses and rubbed his face, knowing he wasn’t getting anywhere like this. He had to wake them up.

“Okay guys, I’d like for you all to stand up please.” he said, pushing his glasses onto the bridge of his nose.

The class collectively grunted at him but complied, too tired to argue or question him. 

Pat gave them a cheeky smile. “Now jump up and down on the spot, please.”

“What?” Julian asked with a frown.

“You heard. Jump up and down on the spot!” 

Pat led by example and started jumping up and down on the spot. “It’s wakey-wakey time! Come on, guys!”

For the first few moments, the class just stared at him incredulously. Then Robin shrugged his shoulders and soon got to work jumping up and down in time with Pat. His actions made Mary and Kitty laugh and they joined in with his bouncing. Julian glanced over at Humphrey who just shrugged before copying the others. Julian rolled his eyes and slowly followed suit, urging the rest of them to do the same. Soon, the entire class were jumping up and down like muppets, making each other laugh at how ridiculous they looked.

Two minutes later, Pat landed for the final time and held his arms out, patting the air in a downwards motion. The group stopped bouncing and sat back down, their tiredness having worn off.

“Feeling better now?” Pat smiled.

“That was one of the strangest things I’ve ever done in a classroom.” laughed Humphrey, running a hand through his tussled locks.

“I’ve done worse.” Julian fired back with a smirk.

“So,” Pat cleared his throat, “Are we all ready to do our drama pieces now?”

“Yes, but the problem is, Patrick, is that some of the people we were working with in class aren’t here.” Fanny explained. “So without our pairs we can’t actually do anything. We’d have to make up something new.”

“Ah, um, yes. I did think about that, Fanny, and, um... I figured if your partner or partners are not in here already... we could make a new scene up... together?” he nervously put to them. 

“Well what’s the point in that?” Julian snapped. “We’ve already rehearsed one scene. I don’t want to have to make up another.”

“I don’t mind doing another.” Kitty piped up, “Besides, I didn’t like the other scene I did. It was too boring. Florence didn’t want to do anything I suggested, so we ended up making a play about babies.”

“O-kay.” Pat broke the awkward silence that had befallen the others. “Right, so I was thinking we could pair up with others from our individual classes. So, erm, me, Humphrey and... Cap, would be working together, since we’re in top set...”

“Not a problem.” Humphrey said, relaxed as always.

“And I’d be with Julian, yes?” Fanny added. “Second set _indeed_.”

“This should be fun.” Julian smirked, giving Fanny a suggestive wiggle of his eyebrows, to which she gasped in disgust.

“So I’m with Thomas?” Kitty asked.

“Well Kitty, you are in the same class as him, so what do you think?” Fanny rolled her eyes.

“Are you okay with that, Thomas?”

“I suppose.”

“Then that just leaves Mary and Robin.” Pat turned to them.

Their eyes met, then both shyly turned away from one another.

“Is that all okay?” Pat asked. “I know it kind of overwrites what we actually did in class, but if we don’t do this then we’ll have nothing to do so I guess it’s sort of a team building activity?”

“Oh _don’t_.” Cap sniffed.

“He’s always got to make things cringeworthy, hasn’t he?” Julian rolled his eyes.

“I don’t like people.” Mary added. Robin nodded in agreement. “Or teams.”

“Oh come on, guys! Don’t be like that. Just try your best and get on with it, okay? If you need help, don’t hesitate to ask me!”

The class mumbled and set off to work in their pairs. Pat turned to his taller companions and pulled at his collar, pushing a smile on his face. “So, um, guys. What do you want to do?”

“I honestly don’t mind.” Humphrey replied.

“Cap?”

“I’d like my character to be a soldier. A fine soldier.”

“So I guess our play is going to be war themed then.” a little sigh escaped Pat’s lips.

“Not necessarily.” Humphrey grinned, “I’d like to be a Tudor, actually.”

It was Cap who looked up in surprise this time. “A Tudor?”

“Yeah! A fancy-schmancy Tudor. Would suit me, don’t you think?” he brushed himself down and posed royally, turning his head and giving the other two a sidewards glance. Pat couldn’t help but laugh at his antics and even Cap managed to crack a wry smile.

“A Tudor it is, then.”

“What about you, Patrick?” Cap turned to him.

Pat wasn’t expecting Cap to engage him in conversation after their previous encounter. “Uh... I don’t know. A... scoutmaster, maybe?”

“Patrick, that’s not historical.”

“Well neither is a soldier!”

“I’m a World War Two soldier.” Cap emphasized. Pat pouted. 

“Maybe an English monarch?” Humphrey suggested. “One of the more famous ones, like what’s-his-name? Henry II? The one who had that church bloke killed by mistake because he had stupid knights.”

Pat blinked. Humphrey was really into his history.

“Or King Richard III?” Cap gave Pat a coy look.

“...Didn’t everybody hate him?”

“Yes.”

Pat gave him a tight smile. “Sounds perfect.”

Humphrey nodded in appreciation. “Awesome! So, my name’s going to be Alfred Avery, because it sounds cool and I’m loving the alliteration. I’m a Tudor who owns a cake shop.”

Pat and Cap stared at him bemusedly.

“And one day old Richard III comes into my bakery complaining that nobody likes him, and this soldier-“

“Er- George Havers.” Cap replied quickly.

“Same surname as William, alrighty - arrives and tells Richard he’s being arrested for war crimes against the monarchy, despite being the actual monarch, so is arrested and promptly dies. Then Havers dies and I’m left alone in my cake shop where I promptly die of dysentry.”

The two stared at him blankly.

After a few moments, Cap aired his puzzlement. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Um... oh?” came Pat’s equally confused response, still digesting his tirade.

“No?” Humphrey raised his eyebrows and shrugged it off. “That’s my play plot out of the question. Next!”

Pat and Cap stared at one another.

“Uh... maybe we should watch what the others are doing... for more inspiration?”

“Sounds good to me...” Cap replied, the pair turning towards the nearest couple, which happened to be Robin and Mary. Robin appeared to be dancing around Mary who was spinning and flapping her arms around, making ghost sounding noises.

“Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! I be the smoke of the devil’s sorcery and I come to enchant you reprobates and jezebels for your name-calling of my companion, the great Moonah of Stoneywall! How do you plead?”

“Plead guilty! Plead guilty!” Robin recited repetitively, dancing around her.

Pat and Cap then turned to Fanny and Julian. Fanny was sitting on the edge of a table as Julian leant back on the chair, pretending to be a detective.

“So, your highness, I ask you this - why were your lacy knickers found in the Captain’s bed?”

Fanny turned beet red, “That wasn’t in the script!”

“It is now, my peachy goodness. Wallop!” Julian dramatically pointed at her.

Pat and Cap grimaced and turned to the remaining pair. Thomas was draped across the teacher’s desk and Kitty was pretending to hold a fan to her face, giving him the glad eye.

“Oh Mr Percival, you’re too kind! Letting me have one of your signed books for free! How ever will I be able to pay you back?”

“Royalties, Miss Queensborough. Royalties.”

“You wish for me to be a Princess? Oh happy days!” she chimed.

Thomas knelt up towards her. “No, I’d like your money to start up my own business and- radio show.”

“Oh, I see! I thought you needed it for the goat.”

Pat and Cap slowly turned back to Humphrey.

“Yeah, your idea’s fine.”

~~~~~

A little later into the session, each group was hard at work perfecting their plays. The original brief given to them by their drama teacher, Miss Birch, was that they were to come up with a scene using at least one historical character, and they could be as creative as liked, within reason. 

But the group had gone WAY over within reason at this point.

“Guys, settle down! Please!” Pat waved his arms around to gain everyone’s attention. “People, please! Robin, come down from there, it’s dangerous!”

“I AM THE GREAT MOONAH-“

“No you’re not!

“He’s method acting.” mused Mary, who was busy watching the scene unfold.

“Mary, he’s on the ceiling!” 

Mary shrugged.

“Never mind Robin! Pat, get this imbecile away from me!” Fanny shrieked from across the room, trying to get away from Julian who was chasing her around a table. 

Forgetting Robin for a moment, Pat hurried over to Fanny, where he saw that she was trying to escape Julian’s lecherous advances. His PRETEND lecherous advances. He plodded over to Julian and held his arms out to stop hik from reaching her. “Julian, leave her alone!”

“I only want to cop a feel-“ he teased, making some grabbing gestures with his hands. Fanny squealed and darted towards Cap and Humphrey. Julian shoved Pat to the side and followed her, laughing all the way. Winding up Fanny was too funny to him.

“Come here, Fanny!” he chuckled, reaching out to grab her. Fanny dove behind Cap and used him to shield her.

“Fanny, what is the meaning of this?” Cap questioned, trying to see what she was up to.

“Protect me from that creep!” she wailed, holding her hands on his shoulders.

“Fanny, Humphrey and I are trying to- Julian, get away from me!” Cap pushed the posh boy backwards.

“Julian! Stop being a pain!” Pat attempted to grab the taller teenager from behind, but was immediately shoved away. He fell onto the floor and rubbed his head. A hand came at him and he looked up to see Humphrey with a smile on his face. Taking his hand, Humphrey pulled the shorter lad back on his feet.

“You alright?” he asked.

“Be better once I get this lot back under control.” Pat smiled, looking at the chaos surrounding them.

“No,” Humphrey replied, in a more hushed voice, “I mean, how are you doing in general?” he glanced at Pat’s bruise.

The realization set in and Pat felt his face heating up. Was Humphrey really asking how he was? 

“Oh! Uh, y-yes, thank you. Are you?”

“If you don’t mind me asking, how did it... happen?” Humphrey ignored the latter part of his question.

“I tripped into a door.” came Pat’s smooth response. “I didn’t really want to make a big thing of it because it’s really embarrassing, but yeah. I’m too clumsy for my own good.”

Humphrey seemed to believe his lie and relaxed a little, “Yeah, I know how that is.” He held a hand on Pat’s shoulder. “Come on, sport. I’ll help you sort this lot. You wanna take Julian, or Robin?”

Pat stared at both parties. Fanny was desperately clinging onto Cap and the stern teenager was trying to keep them both distant from Julian, who continued to make crude gestures at them. On the other side of class, Thomas and Kitty had now joined Mary as she watched Robin trying to circumnavigate the ceiling without falling off.

“You know what, I think I’ll take Robin.”

“Good good. Jules it is. I recommend using a broom.”

“So do I.” Pat giggled, making his way towards Robin.

A few swipes of the broom later and Robin went falling into the arms of Mary, who stared at her helpless companion with a glint of amusement in her eyes. Robin grinned bashfully at her and Kitty clapped her hands together, enjoying her friends’ obvious display of affection. Thomas rolled his eyes to disguise his envy.

After Humphrey had dispatched Julian, Pat brought the class back together. As he stared at them all, a feeling of hope and happiness sparked in his heart. Even though they’d spent the lesson messing around and giving a half-hearted attempt at rehearsing their scenes, Pat found himself smiling.

He felt... at home with them. Even Cap, who’d managed to lighten up a tad and not glare at him so much today was making him feel better. To top it all off, Humphrey, probably the coolest guy in the school, had actually asking him how he was! The only other person who ever did that was Mrs Alison!

His happiness soon melted away when he realized the time. Home time. It brought tomorrow daytime closer, which meant spending another day alone until he could meet up with his kooky lot once again. He actually felt scared by this attachment. It was a form of reliance, something he’d stopped believing in.

“Hey, Pat? You okay?” came the lull of Humphrey’s voice.

Pat shook himself out of his trance. “Fine thank you! Bet you’re all ready to leave now.”

“Not half.” Julian admitted.

Pat held his hands together, “Well, I think you did really well today. We all managed to apply teamwork and that’s basically the goal I set out for you to achieve in the first place, so well done! Teamwork really does make the team work!”

A few of his clubbies groaned at his perpetual optimism, yet couldn’t help but admire the cheery sod.

“Until tomorrow?”

“Until tomorrow!”


	8. Tangent

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After uploading Chapter 7, for some reason the story marked itself as complete. No idea why as I didn’t change the settings or anything so sorry if that confused anyone. Be assured that I wouldn’t leave a story with plot holes open - I’m not THAT cruel!
> 
> But I am cruel. c:<
> 
> Hope you enjoy this chapter! I love portraying the squad.

Another morning came around. Like the previous day, and the day before that, Pat found himself at the school early, doing his daily laps. The corridors were quiet, there was nobody about, and Robin was laying in the middle of the floor in a star shape.

Pat backtracked and stopped suddenly, craning his neck to observe his fallen classmate. Robin was laying face first on the floor and looked as though he wasn’t breathing, which immediately worried Pat. The shorter teen gently stepped over him and crouched down, looking to see what the problem was. He was about to check for a pulse when-

“RAAAGH!” Robin roared, bouncing onto his feet. Pat let out a shriek and lost his balance, falling over. Once Pat had regained his composure he glared at the still howling Robin. 

Robin wiped the tears from his eyes and rubbed his grimy hands on his uniform before sticking one out for Pat to take. “Got you!”

Pat pouted and took his hand. Robin pulled him up. “Think you almost gave me a heart attack!” he held his chest.

Robin smirked, “I was bored. Saw you coming. Played dead. BOO!” he raised his voice on the last word, making Pat jump again.

“Robin!”

“What? Shouldn’t be such a scaredy-cat.”

“I’m not a- wait a moment, what are you doing in school so early?”

Robin just shrugged. “What are YOU doing in school so early?”

“I, uh, I was just... um... prep! Prep for the after-school class later. Yes.” Pat folded his arms, continuing his journey around the school. Robin followed.

“My parents are going to a funeral today,” Robin said after a while. “My grandfather passed away the other week.” 

Pat looked at his taller companion. His usually impassive expression was tinted with sadness. “I’m so sorry to hear that.”

“It’s okay. I didn’t really know him that well. It’s just... hard to take in.”

Pat nodded. “I know the feeling.”

Robin decided to change the subject, “What lesson you got first?”

“Maths. What about you?”

“English with Mrs Cooper.”

“Good. Do you enjoy her lessons?”

Robin nodded, “Yeah. You enjoy Maths?”

Pat shook his head, “Er, not really. I’m stuck sitting next to Ryan Ashley. He’s a right chatterbox and never shuts up! I can hardly concentrate on the work!” he complained softly. 

Robin chuckled. “Just stab him with a pencil. It’s what I’d do.”

“I’m not stabbing him with a pencil, Robin.”

“Suit yourself.”

The two continued walking around school, chatting about the random goings-on, including the drama in Pat’s class. His set contained a group of mean-spirited tarts who were always spreading nasty rumours about other students in the school, and when they weren’t doing that, they were telling everyone about their love lives, bragging about how many boys they’d bagged at the weekend. 

Pat didn’t really have much to do with them unless they were calling him names, so most of the time he just sat in classes absorbing their stupid conversations for days on end. He never normally told anyone as he wasn’t one for gossip and he didn’t really have anyone to talk to anyway, but he figured Robin was the type who enjoyed listening to the chaos.

“Pat? Do you know what’s wrong with Mary?” Robin interrupted Pat’s tirade. 

“Uh, Mary? Why?” he replied, surprised.

“She seems down. Did she tell you why?” Robin stopped walking and abruptly turned to him. “You must know something.”

Pat stepped back, “I... I can’t say. She doesn’t want me to tell anyone about it.”

Robin dropped his shoulders, “Oh.”

Pat felt bad, “Um, but she told me she likes it when you make her laugh. So just keep doing that, maybe?” he nervously smiled.

Robin smiled back. “Okay.”

The bell rang, signalling first period.

“Well... I guess I’ll see you later then?” 

“Bye Pat.” Robin nodded, making his way to class.

~~~~~

“Did you see what Kayleigh was wearing at the weekend? Awful dress.”

“She looked like a cow!”

“Forget Kayleigh, let’s talk about the more important issues!”

“Like what?”

“Boys!”

And then came the high-pitched giggles.

Pat inwardly groaned. It was second period, English, and Pat sat at the back of the classroom, just across from where the gossip girls were grouped. He hated sitting by them but was moved there because he would apparently be a good influence on them, despite the fact they ignored him as much as he tried to ignore them.

He peered towards the front of the class and could see Cap getting on with his work, head down like a good student. Across from him sat Humphrey, who was busy quietly chatting to the girl next to him. Mrs Cooper caught them chatting and gave them a stern look, ceasing their musings. She looked up at Pat and smiled, knowing she’d caught them out, and now him too for daydreaming.

He gave her a guilty smile and bowed his head. Mrs Cooper approached the back of the classroom to shut the gossipy girls up, then stopped by his table, crouching beside him.

“Hi Pat. How’s the club going?” she whispered.

“Going well, I think.” he replied quietly, “They’re all doing really well.”

“No more problems or anything?”

“No! Not like before.”

“Good.” she replied, standing back up. “You’re doing a great job.” she shot him a thumbs up. 

“Thank you!” he squeaked, giving her an embarrassed smile.

~~~~~

First, second and third period had dragged by but thankfully it was finally lunchtime. Pat eagerly plucked out his lunchbox from his bag. When he lowered his bag down he saw that Fanny was sitting next to him.

“O-Oh! Fanny! I didn’t see you there.” he jumped.

“Good afternoon to you too, Patrick.”

He awkwardly stared at her, unsure why she was sitting by him. His staring eventually irritated her and she rolled her eyes, fed up with him.

“Those _girls_ have stolen my table.” she groaned, gesturing over to the bitches from his class. “So I’m afraid I’m going to have to sit here. Is that alright with you?”

“Er, well, of course! Fanny! Um...” he lowered his lunchbox until it met the table. He didn’t want to eat in front of Fanny. She was too posh and he was a mere commoner in comparison! He didn’t want to embarrass himself by accidently presenting bad manners to her or something. He cleared his throat and pushed his lunchbox back into his bag, deciding to forgo lunch. “So, um... how are you, Fanny?”

“Tired. Sitting next to _Fawcett_ for three hours does that to you.”

“Three hours? Poor you!”

“Poor me INDEED! Having to sit next to him in History, Maths and Art! He wouldn’t stop drawing THINGIES!”

Pat nearly choked on his juice. 

She gave him a stern look. “How are _you_ doing, Patrick?”

“F-Fine thank you. Keeping well... et cetera.”

“We have History later today, correct?”

“Yes! I thought we could start with something easy, like Ancient Egyptian monarchs.” he replied enthusiastically.

“How thrilling.” she deadpanned.

“Indeedy! I just hope the others don’t mind.”

“The others don’t mind what?” came a new voice.

Humphrey strolled on by and gave them a nod of his head in greeting. The two were more interested in why he currently had Thomas wrapped in a headlock.

“Hi Humphrey! Um...”

“Oh, caught him trying to sneak into the girls’ toilets, didn’t I?”

Fanny gasped. 

“I-I was not!” Thomas protested, “I already told you, I accidently slipped and fell into the door!”

“Uh huh.”

“It’s true!”

“Sure it is.”

Pat giggled. “Want to sit here for a bit? O-Only if you’d like to. And you Thomas.”

Humphrey released Thomas and moved him onto a chair. The lean teenager glared at him and folded his arms crossly in a huff. Humphrey took a a seat beside him. “So! What we talking about, peeps?”

“Teatime Club biz! Was telling Fanny what we’re doing later.”

“What ARE we doing later?” 

“Ancient Egypt!”

“Ew.” Thomas rolled his eyes.

“Cool.” Humphrey nodded. “Should be doing more about Rich the Third, like our beautiful play yesterday.” he winked at Pat.

Pat shook his head and smiled. 

~~~~~

Finally the school day was through, and Pat found himself walking with Kitty and Mary to their history classroom. The girls were skipping joyously as Pat waddled behind, watching them with amusement. The two led the way and soon spotted the others waiting outside the mobile because the room was locked.

“Open the bloody door, it’s freezing!” came Julian’s voice from across the courtyard.

The trio laughed at this and soon crossed the court. Pat retrieved the keys from his blazer pocket and pushed his way through the crowd, unlocking the door. Julian shoved his way past Pat and ran into the room, pouncing towards the radiator, which he switched on. He waited for it to warm up and rested against it. The others walked in to class normally. Pat entered last and shut the door.

“Hi guys! Sorry about the wait. You all ready for today?”

“No...” grumbled Thomas.

“What are we doing today, Patrick?” Kitty asked.

“Ancient Egypt!” he replied excitedly, to which Kitty clapped.

“Yay! Are we doing about Cleopatra?”

“Even better!”

“Better than Cleopatra?” she gasped.

“We’ll be learning about “Hatshepsut.”

“ _Who_?” 

“Hatshepsut! Pharoah of the 18th Dynasty!”

“Yeah... no. No idea who that is, to be honest.” Humphrey put in with a shrug of his shoulders.

“Was she pretty?”

“Uh... I’m not sure.”

“Then I’m not interested.” Thomas huffed. Fanny slapped him.

“Can I be Hapshetsut?”

“Hatshepsut. How do you mean, ‘be her’, Kitty?”

“For Drama!”

“We’re not doing Drama today.”

“Oh. Can I be her anyway?”

“Uh...” Pat gazed at Kitty blankly. She really was a mystery.

“Ignore her, Patrick. Let’s get on with the lesson, shall we?” Cap took charge in silencing the others.

Pat nodded appreciatively and clapped his hands together. “So! Hatshepsut. What do we know about her?”

“That she was Pharoah.” Mary said.

“Of the 18th Dynasty.” Robin added.

“Anything else?” Pat asked.

“She was probably into incest.” Julian wiggled his eyebrows, much to everyone’s disgust. “What? She probably was!”

“He’s right. A lot of Pharoahs married their parents or siblings or cousins to keep their bloodlines pure.” Humphrey inputted. “She probably married her brother or something.” he looked to Pat for an answer.

“She did, yes.” Pat told them.

“Gross.”

“Why we got to learn about her?” Robin complained. “Never even heard of her.”

“Because Mrs Perry told me that she would be coming up on one of the mock exams.”

The class collectively groaned.

~~~~~

Half an hour later the clubbies had grown tired of learning about the Egyptian Queen and had gone off on a bit of a tangent, talking about completely irrelevant things.

“So what you’re saying, Thomas, is that the universe has no meaning?” Fanny inquired.

“Exactly!”

Julian smirked, “Aside from the ladies and se-“ 

“Don’t be vulgar.” Fanny cut him off.

“Oh Fanny, you know you love me.” he teased.

“What? S-Shut up Julian, I don’t even LIKE you!”

“Sure you do, Princess.”

“I do not!”

“Then who DO you like?” Julian grinned.

“Certainly not you!”

“Julian, please! Leave her alone!”

“Watch it, short-arse.” he turned on Pat.

“...I’m not short.” Pat lamely defended.

This caused Thomas to sniff in amusement. “Not short? You’re the smallest one here, Patrick!”

“N-No I’m not!” Pat shook his head quickly, “I’m average for my age.”

“If you were ten years old.” Cap muttered. His deadpan remark made Julian and Thomas laugh.

“Don’t worry Pat. That just makes you more special in my eyes.” Kitty beamed at him. 

“Kitty’s right. You’re the smallest person I know. You should be proud of that.” Mary smiled.

“But I’m not small!” he protested, “I’m average!”

“Sorry Pat, but I’m actually average for our age.” Humphrey claimed.

“Sod off, I thought I was!” Julian fired back.

Thomas sniffed haughtily, “Actually, you’ll find I’m average.”

“You’re average alright.” Fanny whispered, causing the girls to laugh.

Thomas looked horrified. “What did she say?”

“She said you were average, Thomas.” Cap told him, causing Fanny to glare at him.

“Spoilsport. I was about to say you were above average, but now I’m not going to.” Fanny replied.

Cap blinked, “What?”

“What?” Fanny blinked.

“Um... okay. Moving on!” Pat clapped his hands together. “Robin, you’ve been quiet for a bit. What do you have to say?”

Robin looked up from his book, “What?”

“About the Queen.”

“She’s got nice legs.”

Pat facepalmed.


	9. Authority

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Watched the Ghosts Christmas special last night, it was beautiful. <3
> 
> Hope you guys have a wonderful Christmas! Thanks for all of your support too, means the world! c:

Kitty giddily skipped down the corridor, enraptured by her own morning song. 

Her sister had dropped her off at school really early today because she had some ‘more important business’ to attend to, so had dumped Kitty at the school gates before they’d even been opened. When the caretaker finally arrived he was surprised to see the shivering teenager standing outside the gates and had quickly let her in, allowing her the freedom to skip around school.

Singing cheerfully, Kitty fluttered into the canteen and twirled around, holding her arms out to balance herself. She giggled and paused momentarily, sinking into the silence. She liked how peaceful the school was at this time in the morning. Nobody to shout at her. Kitty sighed happily and made her way into the theatre through the back entrance accessible from the canteen.

She stood at the top of the stairs overlooking the auditorium and clapped her hands together softly. She loved being in the theatre. For some reason it made her feel like she really belonged. It was grand and old-timey. She liked old-timey.

It made her feel like a princess.

Kitty skipped down the large stairs and up onto the stage where she pranced into the middle, spinning around and giggling as if she were in a performance. A muffled shout stopped her mid-dance. She paused and listened harder, unsure to where the sudden noise was coming from. Outside, maybe?

Kitty peered through the fire exit door to the left of the stage. The door led to the car park, and through the frosted window she could just about see two figures talking next to a car with an open door. She watched curiously as the taller figure seemed to berate the shorter figure before getting back in the car and driving off. The shorter figure sighed and walked into school through the nearby reception. 

Kitty held a finger to her cheek in thought. She knew it wasn’t any of her business, but she could’ve sworn the smaller figure looked a little bit like Pat.

Shrugging her shoulders, Kitty flounced back up the stairs and into the cafeteria.

~~~~~

A little later that day, the lonesome Pat sat at his usual lunch table, eating his snacks as he read his favourite scouting book. He was so absorbed by the feature on campfires that he missed the arrival of three familiar faces.

“Good afternoon, Patrick! Isn’t it just a wonderful day today?” Kitty greeted, making Pat jump.

He looked up to see he was surrounded by Robin, Kitty and Mary. “Oh, hi guys! What brings you here?”

“Came to see you, of course!” Kitty beamed.

“And to eat.” Robin added gruffly, pulling out a bag of crisps from his bag and tearing off the top with his teeth.

Pat bookmarked his page and closed his book. “So, um, how are you guys?”

“Fine thank you.” Mary nodded. “How about you?”

“O-Oh, yes, fine thanks! Just had English, Art and History. What about you guys?”

“Science, Maths and Geography.” Mary said, pulling out her lunchbox. “Was very boring, aside from Robin punching Shawn.” she looked at her companion dreamily.

“You punched Shawn? Shawn Michaelson? Pat gasped.

Kitty nodded excitedly, “Mary told me about it earlier! Shawn was saying some nasty things to Mary so Robin punched him out!” she giggled.

Pat raised his eyebrows, “Wow! Pretty noble of you, Robin. I know Shawn can be a right meanie.”

“Eh, it was nothing.” Robin dismissed him with a wave of his hand. He then shoved his entire sandwich into his mouth in one bite.

“And you... didn’t get detention?”

“Mrs Fraiser was out of the room when it happened. Nobody said anything though, because nobody really likes Shawn.”

“Lucky escape.” Robin muttered.

“Well... good on you, Robin!” Pat smiled. 

Pat rather enjoyed sitting and talking with his new companions. Although he didn’t have much in common with them, they seemed to be able to make conversation anyway and were soon embroiled in a deep discussion about radishes. They were eventually interrupted by the end of lunch bell and Pat left them to walk to his tutor group, feeling considerably better than before.

~~~~~

“But why, Patrick?” Thomas moaned. “Can’t we just do poetry?”

“I’m sorry, Thomas. Mrs Cooper specifically asked me to go through the play because we’re starting the new module shortly.”

“Can’t we just act it out instead?” Thomas suggested. 

“Ooh, yes please!” Kitty squealed. “Plays are fun!”

“I do love a play.” Mary added.

“Guys, please! Concentrate!” Pat waved his hands around to try and gain back his authority. The focus of their Teatime Club today was English, and naturally Thomas was making things hard for him, amongst other things.

Namely Julian.

“Bagsy Romeo!” said teenager cried out. “And and bagsy Fanny as Juliet.” he gave her a little nudge.

“Oh push off!” Fanny cried, “I’ll never be your Juliet!”

Thomas huffily turned to Julian. “If anyone is to be Romeo, it will be I!”

“You can’t even talk Shakespearean right, ye olde fusspot.” Julian mocked, flapping his arms out like a chicken.

“Are you mocking me, sir?” Thomas gasped.

“So what if I am, Thorne?” Julian retorted, standing up straight. “I’d wipe the floor with you any day.”

“Bring it on, sir!” Thomas held out his fists.

“Guys!” Pat stepped in-between them. “Please sit down, we have the lesson to get on with!”

“I’d rather do drama.” Kitty inputted unhelpfully.

“I already have a lesson planned, Kitty. Sorry about that. Now will you all please just sit down so we can get on with it?”

The teenagers complied. Pat let out a sigh and made his way back to the front of the room. “Okay then. Romeo and Juliet. What do we know about them?”

Humphrey raised his hand and Pat acknowledged him, “It’s about a couple who come from different families who hate each other and end up doing themselves in, in a major cock-up type situation.”

“Spoilers.” muttered Julian.

“Very good, Humphrey!” Pat nodded. “Mrs Cooper wants us to study themes of love and told me that we have to read a few of the chapters and basically highlight anything of interest relating to love, sound good?”

“Yes!” Kitty nodded.

“Great!” Pat beamed.

“So, do you have the books, Patrick?” Cap asked, causing Pat’s face to drop.

“Erm... oh.”

“You forgot them, didn’t you?”

“I may have done so, yes.”

Cap rolled his eyes. “Great. No books for us then, ergo, no lesson.”

“So we get to act it out after all?” Thomas asked enthusiastically.

“No, I’ll need a volunteer to go and fetch the books.” Pat explained.

“Fiddlesticks!” Thomas cried out, faceplanting the desk.

“Fiddlesticks? Who the hell says fiddlesticks?” Julian snorted.

“Julian, just don’t, alright?” Cap grumbled, fed up with the duo’s arguing.

“Yes, please don’t.” Robin agreed, slouching on the table.

“Please do, actually.” Julian grinned. “Oh, did someone say ‘please do’? I’ll have to argue more then.”

“Could you boys shut up already? We’ll never get this lesson over with at this rate.” Fanny grumbled.

“Anything you say, sweetcheeks.” Julian winked.

Fanny adamantly shook her head, “Sod off Fawcett! Stop saying things like that to me, it’s creepy! Patrick, tell him to stop!”

“Julian, would you mind not creeping Fanny out?”

“That’s not the only fanny that’ll be creeping out.” Julian laughed, causing Fanny to squeak indignantly.

“Julian!”

“Gross!”

“Patrick! Get him out of here!”

Patrick stood in front of Julian’s table. “Okay Julian, that wasn’t very nice. Please apologize to Fanny.”

“No.”

“Julian!”

“No.”

“Julian...”

“Make me.”

“I don’t want to make you do anything.”

“Well that’s a first.”

“Julian.”

“Oh push off, fatso.” Julian shot back coldly.

Pat just stared at Julian in shock, feeling his insides crumbling. He knew it wouldn’t take long for the troublemaker to throw that at him again. Sensing his hurt, a few of his classmates decided to act.

“Oi! Take that back!” Mary snapped, standing up beside Pat. “Take that back at once!”

Julian rolled his eyes. “Make me, slag.”

This caught Robin’s attention and he angrily stood up. “What’d you call her?”

“A slag. Want to make something of it, scruffball?”

Robin did. He leapt across the room and tackled Julian to the floor, punching him in the head. Kitty screamed as Robin continued to beat Julian who was trying to protect his head from the hard blows whilst simultaneously hitting him back. 

Pat, Humphrey and Thomas ran over to the scrapping pair, trying to pull Robin off the struggling blonde. Robin furiously tried to shake them off, accidently elbowing Pat in the face. Dazed, the shorter boy fell back and Cap yanked him out the way.

“Are you alright?” he asked, pulling him onto a chair.

“Y-Yes.” Pat replied, rubbing his sore cheek. He looked back to see Humphrey and Thomas with their arms locked around Robin. Julian scrambled to his feet and straightened his tie.

“Well that was bloody uncalled for!” he hissed.

“ _Uncalled for?_ ” Fanny snapped, “You started it, Julian!”

Julian shrugged, “Apples and pears.”

Irritated by his aloof attitude, Pat slowly got off the chair and marched over to the towering teenager. Julian stared down at him with a patronizing gaze.

The shorter boy looked up at him, a similarly cold expression plastered onto his usual sunny face. “Get out.” he commanded.

Julian just stood there.

“Out!” Pat yelled, pointing towards the door.

Julian glared at him.

“Please.” Pat added quietly.

Julian glared at him for a few more moments before stiffly turning and walking towards the door. He yanked it open and slammed it as he left the building.

Pat let out a deflated sigh, dropping his shoulders. After a few moments, the soft sound of clapping could be heard. Pat turned to see the rest of his classmates applauding him. He turned beet red and bowed his head modestly.

“That’s the spirit, Patrick!”

“You sure showed him!”

“A decent effort, I’ll admit.”

“You were brilliant!”

“Wonderful!”

Pat just gave them all a shy smile. “Thank you.” he cleared his throat, “So, erm, I guess we better get on with the lesson, then.”

“We still need the books.” Cap deadpanned.

“Fiddlesticks!”


	10. Picasso

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. Been meaning to finish this since last week!
> 
> I’ve been so tired and have had no energy to write but I somehow managed to power through this chapter tonight so hopefully you’ll enjoy reading it! c:

Pat was terrified.

The elation of standing up for himself and ordering Julian out of the class had soon worn off. It suddenly dawned on him while he was laying in bed that night that his teacher gimmick wouldn’t fly outside of the after school class. Without the safe confines of the Teatime Club, he’d be exposed to harassment.

Julian was going to kill him.

Pat shuddered as he imagined the politician’s son terrorizing him. He knew Julian was chummy with a few of the boys who regularly tormented him. 

The short boy gulped and let out a shaky sigh as he stepped out from behind the lockers he’d been using as a shield to observe the corridor. He’d gotten into school a little later today, having overslept due to being up all night worrying about what punishment Julian was potentially going to put him through. 

Would he throw him in the septic tank like Paul had done? Tie him to the water tower? Lock him in the shed?

Pat exhaled shakily, making himself feel worse. He had no idea how he was going to get through his lessons today. He was struggling to concentrate as it was - he was used to feeling on edge. Avoiding Julian would be tricky.

“Hey Pat.”

Pat let out a squeak and span around on his heel to see a wide-eyed Humphrey staring back at him.

“Woah, you okay?” Humphrey asked his alarmed classmate.

“Y-Yes!” Pat rasped, holding his chest. “S-Sorry about that.”

“No harm done... I think.” Humphrey raised an eyebrow at Pat’s jumpy behaviour. “You sure you’re alright?”

Pat forced himself to calm down. “Y-Yeah. Didn’t get that much sleep last night.”

“Oh... Maybe try having a kip in History? Not like Sanders will notice.”

“Yeah... you’re right.” Pat smiled wearily. “Oh, is there something you wanted?”

“We’ve got class soon.”

“Yes?”

“I’m heading to class.”

“And?”

Humphrey smiled and shook his head. “Do you want to walk with me?”

“What?” Pat suddenly went beet red. “Oh! Uh, sure! If you’d like?” 

“Mhm.” Humphrey nudged him forward and the duo started their journey down the corridor, Pat feeling like an even bigger idiot than before. Nobody had ever wanted to walk with him before so Humphrey’s request had been unexpected.

As the two boys plodded along the corridor, Humphrey noticing Pat’s anxious behaviour for the second time that day. The shorter teen seemed to be glancing around a lot, a little on guard. Was Pat normally like this? Humphrey hadn’t noticed it before, but in fairness he didn’t spend a lot of time with Pat, or anyone, really. He just kept to himself. 

“Did you do his homework?” Humphrey asked, causing Pat to facepalm.

“Oh naffing Nora! I didn’t!”

“Don’t worry, you can copy off me if you like.” Humphrey offered kindly.

“Oh, really? Cheers, Humphrey, I appreciate that.”

“Anytime. I’ll come find you at break.” he held his head up in thought, “Well, actually, we’ll be leaving lesson together anyway so may as well just walk together. Cool?”

“Cool!” Pat beamed.

~~~~~

And so they did. 

Surprisingly, Cap had even joined them, and the trio had soon made their way across the canteen to Pat’s table. Pat sat in his usual seat, Humphrey sat next to him and Cap sat opposite, eying up Pat’s tired eyes as he got to work copying Humphrey’s notes down. Cap rolled his eyes at his desperate effort.

“Not doing your homework, Patrick? That’s unlike you.”

Pat didn’t look up from his book. “I was kinda busy last night. I was meant to do it after the footy but... something came up and I got distracted and by then it was too late and I completely forgot about it until Humphrey reminded me earlier. Thanks again, Humphrey!”

Humphrey just shrugged it off, “Not a problem, my man.” He turned to Cap. “You manage to finish yours?”

Cap just nodded, eyes drifting to a figure crossing the canteen. Humphrey subtly followed Cap’s gaze for a moment until he spotted the beautiful Antoinette standing in the queue for pasta, completely distracting him.

“Nice is she?” Cap glared at Humphrey, who coughed and swiftly turned back to Pat.

“I’ve finished!” Pat passed Humphrey his book back and tucked his own into his bag.

“Sweet. It was pretty straightforward to do, really. Got it done last night after tennis practice.”

“You... play tennis?” Pat blinked. 

“Yep! Just a little hobby. It’s either that or be cooped up in the house with nothing to do.” he rolled his eyes, bitterly thinking of his overprotective parents.

“Sounds about right,” Cap sympathized, “I’m not allowed out much either. Not that there’s anything much to do anyway.”

Pat felt guilty at their situations in comparison to his. He was allowed out by his parents. In fact, his father encouraged it. Going out and joining a scout group was his father’s idea, wanting to toughen him up. Despite this Pat had fallen in love with the group and everything it stood for. He’d learnt so much and he found it really fun, although he’d never admit that to his classmates.

“We could go out sometime.” Pat casually threw out without thinking. “T-That is, I mean... i-if you were allowed to- and wanted to- go out... with me.” he smiled nervously.

His companions stared at him for a few moments before Humphrey’s mouth morphed into a smile. “Yeah, yeah, I’d think I’d like that. You’d probably have to call for me though so my parents could physically see that you’re not a murderer or something. They’re so weird.”

“T-That’s fine!” he smiled brighter, feeling overjoyed that he’d actually agreed.

“I suppose... I could too.” Cap said slowly, “But it depends on if I want to, really.”

“I-I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t want to, it’s just a-“

“Oi! I wanna come!” a new voice entered the conversation. Robin hopped onto the chair next to Cap causing the rigid boy to draw himself away from the scruffy bumpkin. “Where we going?”

“Nowhere with you!” Cap huffed, causing Robin to put him in a headlock. 

“We’re just going to meet up at the weekend, I think?”

“Let go of me you lunatic!” Cap cried out. Robin suddenly let go of him and hopped up onto the seat, leaning across the table.

“No... sorry. I can’t do then. I’m meeting Kitty and Mary.”

“Wicked! Why don’t we all meet up then? Teatime Club on the road, eh?” Humphrey winked at Pat, whose eyes lit up at the thought.

“I hardly think Fanny, Thomas and Julian are inclined to agree with that.” Cap rolled his eyes.

Pat’s smile dropped on remembering Julian. “H-He’s right, they’re not going to want to go. Besides, Julian upset us all the other day, remember?”

“Water under the bridge.” Robin shrugged, causing Humphrey to nod in agreement.

“Wouldn’t hurt to ask.”

Pat just paled.

~~~~~

“So, um, today, class, we’ll be doing some painting!” Pat enthused, pointing at a canvas he’d set up on an easel at the front of the class. “I was told that we were to test out different painting styles to see what we could come up with. I guess that means we can be as creative as we’d like?”

“Obviously.” Fanny pouted.

“I think it’s a wonderful idea.” Kitty sighed happily, “Painting is so romantic.”

“Is it?” Thomas scoffed. “Blobs of colour on a canvas? What’s romantic about that? I much prefer the written word.”

“Well paint some words then.” Julian suggested with a smirk.

“I’ve brought lots of acrylic paint down from the art clsssroom. Brushes and palettes too.” Humphrey dumped said items down on a spare table. “Ladies and gentlemen, choose your weapons.”

“Wait!” Pat called out before there was a mad dash to the equipment. “Go table by table, starting with the nearest.”

“Of course Julian gets to go first.” Fanny huffed, folding her arms.

The cocky teenager stood up with a wink, “Always on your mind, am I?”

“Oh shut up.”

Julian bobbed his tongue out and strutted over to the table, passing Pat who awkwardly tried to move past him and out of his way. Julian smirked at the shorter boy and collected his equipment, turning on his heel and flouncing back to his seat. Thomas and Mary were up next, followed by Robin, Kitty and Fanny before the rest went up there. Pat was last to collect his paints, palette and brushes.

Pat went back to his own canvas in deep thought, trying to think of what to paint. He wasn’t really an artist - he’d done some messy sketches for a scouts activity once and that was enough for him. Some of his fellow scouts had teased his artistic ability and made him feel incredibly self-conscious.

Pat hadn’t drawn since.

“Um...” he thought aloud, resting his paintbrush against his chin.

“Why don’t you paint a sun?” Kitty suggested, sensing his inner turmoil.

“A sun?”

“A sunny day! Sunshine! You’re sunny, you should know!”

Pat went a little bit red, “I’m... sunny?”

“Bright and sunny!” Kitty giggled. “You’re our sunshine, Pat!” she smiled kindly then went back to painting her own picture of a heart.

“Sunshine...” Pat mumbled. He shrugged and started painting a blue background on the canvas.

The class were moderately quiet as they painted, all focused on the task at hand. Even Julian, who normally wouldn’t shut up for anyone, was too busy painting to talk. 

Robin was first to finish his art and silently sat watching the others but especially Mary. She briefly looked up from her canvas to see him staring and he gave her an embarrassed smile, not expecting her to catch him looking. She smiled back and turned around her canvas to reveal a painting of her impression of him, causing him to beam.

“Everything okay there, Robin?” Pat asked offhandedly, continuing to paint his skyline.

“I done.” he cleared his throat, “I mean, I’m done.”

“What have you painted then?” 

Robin turned his canvas around to show him. “I painted the Moonah! The Moon in space!”

“Oh, right! That looks great, Robin! Contrasts mine.” Pat stepped back to reveal his sunny delight.

Robin nodded his head in approval. “Looks good. I like the colours.”

“Thanks!”

“Who wants to see mine?” Julian asked excitedly.

“I do!” Robin jumped over to Julian’s table. On seeing Julian’s painting, he started laughing. “Beautiful form there. I like the bumps too. What is it supposed to be?”

“Fanny.”

“It doesn’t look much like a fan- oh! Yes it does.” he burst out laughing again. “Not very PG. Shield your eyes, Fanny!”

Fanny was dragged out of her creative lull on hearing her name, “Shield my eyes? Why? What’s he done?”

“You don’t want to know.” Robin giggled with Julian. “Inappropriate.”

“Inappropriate?” she gasped. 

“What’s inappropriate?” Thomas asked, “N-Not that I want to see or anything.”

“He drew Mrs Cooper naked.”

“HE DID WHAT?” Thomas screeched, leaping over three tables to Julian’s seat. The red tint on his cheeks soon went away on seeing the canvas. “That’s not Mrs Cooper, that’s Fanny! That’s... Fanny. Damn my eyes!” he covered his eyes to shield them from the horror that was Julian’s painting. “Patrick, do something about this obscene image!”

Patrick didn’t want to get too close to Julian but knew he had to sort out the issue. He sighed and plodded over to where the boys were sitting. On seeing the painting, he understood Thomas’ issues with it. “Okay, Julian? That sort of thing’s not appropriate.”

“I find it VERY appropriate. How about you, Robin?”

Robin nodded, grinned and roamed back over to his seat.

“Thomas?”

“Disgusting!” he hissed, blindly trying to make his way back to his seat. He tripped over the back of Cap’s chair and knocked the irritated boy into his painting.

“Thomas you cretin! You ruined my tank!”

Pat tried to confiscate Julian’s canvas but the taller boy grabbed his hand. “What do you think you’re doing?”

Pat bit his tongue. “T-Taking this away.”

“Nuh uh. Not on my watch, matey. You’re in my bad books as it is.” Julian teased. He didn’t care too much about Pat’s previous reprimand, he just enjoyed scaring him. It was fun.

The shorter boy pulled his hand away from Julian and the larger boy stood up tall, glaring down at the steadily paling Pat. 

“Starting on me again, are we?” Julian folded his arms confidently, “Always the bloody way with you. How about I start on you instead, little man?”

Pat stepped away from him but Julian seized his collar, yanking him back. 

Pat threw his arms up over his head. “W-Would you like to come out with us?” he practically squealed out of the blue.

Julian’s eyes widened. “What?”

“Would you like to come out with us...” Pat repeated lamely.

“Oh yeah! We’re meeting up at the weekend and we were gonna ask the girls and you guys.” Robin jumped to his feet. “Mary?”

“I’d like that. Kitty?”

“Of course! It’ll be so fun to see each other outside of school!”

“Thomas?”

“If I’m doing nothing better.”

“Fanny?”

“Oh, well, that’s... nice of you to ask. I’ll check my diary.”

“...Julian?”

Julian was deep in thought for a few moments. He then broke out into a wide smile, nodding his head. “Yes please.”

“Great!” Pat breathed a sigh of relief. “Did you hear that Humphrey? The Teatime Club IS going on the road! ...Humphrey?”

Pat found Humphrey displaying his masterpiece of a painting on the easel at the front of the class. He rubbed his chin as if judging his own work. He then turned back towards his gawking classmates, distractions now fully gone. “I’m sorry, did you say something?”

“The Teatime Club’s getting a roadshow!”

“Smashing!”


	11. Adventure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Multiple chapter saga incoming:
> 
> TC on the road! In a forest... in the middle of nowhere.
> 
> ADVENTURE!

Pat whistled cheerfully as he carried his heavy, bulging rucksack through the woods. Chirping birds rustled in the trees above and he let out a content sigh, admiring the view. Humphrey shuffled behind him, looking around with wide eyes as he took in the majestic sights and sounds. 

“This is some forest.” Humphrey whistled, readjusting his own bag on his back. “How did you find this place?”

“I come here all the time.” Pat readjusted his glasses, “I’m part of a scouts club, you see, and this is where we’re normally based. It’s one of my favourite places so thought it would be a nice place to camp, providing it stays dry, of course!” he let out a little giggle.

Humphrey smiled, “I don’t know how you managed to convince my parents to let me go camping. They NEVER let me out of the house!”

“I just said it would be good for you. It’s healthy, after all.”

“I guess so. Where are we meeting the others?”

“By the crooked tree.”

“The... crooked tree?”

“Yeah!” Pat enthused, “Was struck by lightning in the great storm of 1984 and now it’s constantly on the lean. It’s just over this ridge, here!” Pat stepped up the familiar ground and reached the forest clearing, spotting a bunch of familiar faces standing around the lone tree, and one person actually in the tree, waving madly at the approaching duo.

“Robin’s spotted us then.” Humphrey acknowledged.

Pat nodded and called out to his classmates. “Hi there!”

“It’s about time you got here!” Julian’s loud voice snapped back across the clearing.

Pat and Humphrey trotted along until they reached the others who had already set about unpacking their bags. The majority of them looked fed up.

“Howdy.” Humphrey greeted. “Why the long faces?”

“Camping!” Thomas spat.

“Camping.” Fanny rolled her eyes.

“Camping.” Cap agreed.

“Camping!” Kitty chimed, wanting to join in with the fun, “I’m so excited! This was a wonderful idea, Pat! I’m so glad Mrs Cooper suggested it! I’ve never been camping before. This is going to be marvellous!”

“Right on! I can’t wait to share a tent with you lovely ladies.” Julian winked at the girls, causing Mary and Fanny to grimace.

Robin jumped down from the tree and jabbed Julian in the chest with his finger. “You’re not sharing with them!”

“Spoilsport.” the blonde huffed.

“Uh... right!” Pat dumped his backpack down. “So, um, thanks for all joining me today. We’re going to have a smashing time! We’ll start off by putting our tents together and then maybe having something to eat. We’ll start our activities tomorrow.”

“Sounds good.”

“If we must.”

“Who said you’re the boss?” Julian drawled, causing Pat to hold up his hands defensively.

“W-Well seeing as how I’m used to this-“

“You thought you’d appoint yourself leader, right?” Julian marched towards him, causing the shorter boy to shrink back. “What if I wanted to be the leader?”

“Oh Julian, push off and stop being a tosspot.” Fanny sniffed. “Patrick obviously knows a lot about this kind of thing and I for one think it would be a good idea if he were to remain in charge.”

Pat blinked, not expecting Fanny of all people to defend him. 

“I agree.” Cap nodded. “Usually I’d put myself forward to be the leader, but in this case Patrick fits the bill.”

“Besides, Mrs Cooper said that this would be good for TC bonding!” Mary informed them.

“TC? Oh, that dratted club we belong to.” Thomas huffed loudly. “Well fine, he can be in charge. Just tell me when you’ve put up our tents and we’ll be on our way.”

“We’re putting ‘em up.” Robin stated. “And since we’re sharing you better start yanking those poles together!”

Thomas let out a horrified gasp. “ _ME?_ With _YOU_? You must be joking.”

Robin almost looked hurt. “Well fine, I’ll share with someone else. Doesn’t bother me. I don’t want to be stuck with a PONCE anyway.”

“A PONCE?” Thomas roared, “How DARE you sir! I am a respectable gentleman, and I-“

“Shut up, Thomas.” Mary cut in.

“Yes, we don’t want to have to clean up any blood before we’ve sorted our tents out. Oh yes, blood. Blood...” Kitty suddenly fainted, passing out into a bed of leaves.

The others stared at her momentarily, then turned to Pat.

Pat exhaled deeply and slowly adjusted his glasses on the bridge of his nose. “Oh.” 

He moved closer to her fallen form and asked Robin to fetch him a bottle of water, so the scruffier boy willingly obliged. Julian and Cap got to work setting up a tent for her as Mary knelt alongside Pat, fanning the girl’s face. Kitty soon came to and the others helped her into her tent, placing her on the elevated platform bed.

“You alright now, Kitty?” Pat asked.

“Yes thank you. Sorry about that, I’m such a silly sausage.”

“It’s not your fault. Everyone has a weakness.” Robin nodded. “Just try not to think about it now.”

“You’re right. Thanks Robin.” she turned back to Patrick, “So who am I sharing a tent with, Patrick?”

“Yeah, and what about the rest of us?” Julian asked from behind him. “We’ve just discovered that we only have four tents. Does that mean three of us are sharing?”

“Bagsy not sharing with Julian!” Humphrey chortled, causing the former to frown.

Pat retrieved a crumpled piece of paper out of his shorts pocket and unravelled it slowly. “Um, right, okay. I was thinking of putting you girls together. That okay, ladies?”

Fanny and Kitty nodded, but Mary discreetly shot a forlorn look Robin’s way before nodding.

“Great! So, that leaves me, Julian, Thomas, Cap, Humphrey and Robin!”

“So basically all the boys, yes?” Cap rolled his eyes.

“Erm, yes! Right. Er... So we’re just two, two and two, yes?”

“Yes.”

“So... who’d like to share with who?”

The boys stared amongst themselves uncomfortably.

Pat rubbed the back of his head, nervously. “W-Well I don’t mind sharing with any of you... Um... Julian, would you be alright with Robin?”

“Yeaaah. Robin and I can talk about the ladies.” Julian elbowed Robin cheekily. 

Robin grinned. “Fine by me.”

“So um...” Pat looked towards Humphrey and eyed up Thomas and Cap, knowing their dislike of one another. 

“I’ll go with Thomas, Pat.” Humphrey winked. “I know how to deal with this one.”

“Deal with me? I’m not difficult!”

“Uh huh. Shut up and help me stick the tent up.”

Pat looked down his list. “So I guess that just leaves me with... Cap.” he looked up and swallowed uneasily. Their previous encounters had been awkward so he didn’t know how Cap would take this news.

Cap seemed docile enough. “Fine. Let’s get the tent up then, shall we?”

Pat nodded and unzipped his bag.

~~~~~

A little later on, the group were sitting in their tents, admiring the campfire Pat had assembled next to the tents.

“What’s for din-dins then? Roast duck?” Julian’s shrill voice cut through the calm atmosphere.

“Roast duck?”

“We’re lucky to even get roast chicken at home.” Robin glowered, folding his arms.

“Why don’t we go hunting for game?” Julian continued, causing Pat to shake his head. “I can... acquire a gun.”

“No!”

“No way!”

“Julian, no!”

“Er, actually, I’ve got some beans we can have for dinner.” Pat pulled said items out of his bag. “So no game hunting today. Or ever.”

“ _BEANS_?” Thomas moaned. “Is that it?”

“I brought some crackers.” Mary added, pulling a packet out of her bag. 

“I nicked some crisps from the pantry too.” Humphrey grinned.

“I also brought marshmallows.” Pat smiled.

“That’s more like it!” Julian nodded. “Just need to find some sticks to prod ‘em on.”

“Go find some then.” Cap folded his arms.

“Fine, I will.” Julian stood up. “Anyone want to come? Fanny?”

Fanny just glared at him. “I’m staying with Katherine and Mary.”

Julian shrugged. “Suit yourself. Robin?”

Robin jumped to his feet. “Sure.”

“Don’t go too far, guys! It’ll be getting dark soon and I don’t want you getting lost.” Pat cautioned them.

“Fine by me. Just get those beans ready for when we come back.”

“Will do!” Pat called out to them as he started prepping their food.

The others just sat around the campfire, watching him work. Humphrey broke their silence with a loud yawn.

“How about a poetry reading?” Thomas offered.

“How about... no.” Cap replied, causing Thomas to glare at him.

“Then what about a song?” Humphrey shrugged.

“Can you sing, Humphrey?” Kitty asked excitedly.

Humphrey became a little flustered. “Well, uh... I’ve never sang in front of others before. Cap would be a better choice.”

Cap was surprised, “What do you mean?”

“Well... you can sing, right? I’ve often heard you singing to yourself.”

Now it was Cap’s turn to become flustered. “I don’t sing! And if I did, I certainly wouldn’t do it at school.”

“Liar. I overheard you the other day in the P.E changing room! Singing some song about generals or something.” Thomas snorted. 

Cap turned away as his cheeks turned a little red. 

Pat smiled kindly. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to, Cap.”

“I know!” the stoic boy snapped. “I’m not in the mood right now anyway. Maybe later.”

The group when quiet again as the beans sizzled in the pan.

“Anyone know any gossip?” Mary asked, causing Fanny to raise her eyebrow.

“I feel Julian would be the best person to ask.” 

“Yeah, he does know a lot about a lot. No wonder he has so many enemies.”

Kitty looked around before adding, “I heard Julian’s dad was going away for a while.”

“What, like in prison?” Humphrey asked. 

“No, away. On holiday!”

“Oh. Is Jules going with him?”

“I don’t think so. I heard they’re not on very good terms.” she answered slowly, feeling a little sorry for the obnoxious teen. 

“How long’s he going away for?” Mary questioned.

“Ten months.”

“TEN MONTHS? That’s not a holiday, that’s practically an emigration!”

“I suppose he’s very busy campaigning.” Fanny said.

“Beans are up!” Pat cut in, scooping them into bowls for them all. Fanny rolled her eyes as she passed them along to the others.

Thomas eyed his bowl with distain. “I think I will be needing some of Mary’s crackers at this rate.”

“Go ahead.” she passed him the packet.

Grumbling, Thomas trapped two crackers between his middle and index fingers, yanking them out. As he went to bite one, it broke apart and fell into his bowl. “Oh crackers!” he exclaimed.

Kitty just laughed at his predicament. The group started to eat as the sun set behind them, giving the sky a dusky glow. Pat smiled as he looked around at his companions. He couldn’t believe he’d manage to get them out CAMPING of all things. He was an expert at that. If only he could show them.

“BOO!” came a loud voice, startling the group. A bunch of sticks were hurled towards the campsite. Robin cartwheeled towards them and landed in a crouch, gazing at his surroundings. He jumped to his feet and let out a primal howl.

“Hi Robin.” 

Robin collapsed into a sitting position next to Mary, legs folded. “Good evening.” he retrieved his bowl and started scooping beans into his mouth.

“Where’s Julian?”

“Fell in swamp.”

“Oh okay.” Silence. “No, actually, can you run that by me again?” Pat turned and gave Robin his full attention.

“He fell in the swamp.”

“And you LEFT him?” Cap screeched.

“To teach him a lesson. Spent all the time we were out there insulting me so when he fell in I left him.”

“You can’t just do that, man! He could drown!”

Robin just shrugged.

Pat stood up, flicking his torch into the air before catching it and switching it on. “I know where the swamp is, so I’ll go and look for him.”

Cap stood up rigidly. “I’ll accompany you.”

Humphrey wiped the crumbs away from his lips. “Same here.”

“See you in a bit then.” Thomas yawned, stretching out across the blanket.

Pat nodded and led his two companions out of the clearing in the direction of where Julian and Robin first headed. The path was surrounded by a corridor of trees which exacerbated the darkness of the forest, making the torch light look puny in comparison. Despite this, Pat marched on. He knew roughly where the swamp was. It wasn’t too far away.

“So, Pat. You seem to know where you’re going. Come here often?” Cap asked, trying to make conversation.

Pat nodded. “Yes, I come here a lot with the club. We’re not too far away now.”

“Good.” 

“So, what else do you do in the scouts?”

Pat was happy they were interested. “Um, well, lots of things, really! Archery, cooking, learning about survival, sailing, just stuff like that.”

“I suppose you enjoy it, then?”

“I love it!” Pat beamed. “It’s my favourite thing in the entire world! I love spending time outdoors, away from everyone.”

“Isn’t the idea of scouts to learn the values of teamwork, though?” Cap asked.

Pat tensed up a little, “W-Well, yes, but... I still prefer spending time on my own. Can fully immerse myself in the nature that way.”

Cap and Humphrey shot each other a coy look.

“Ah, look, we’re here!” Pat plodded up the little mound off the beaten track where the swamp curdled in a pool below. “I can’t see Julian though. What if he’s drowned?” he shrieked.

“Jules?” Humphrey shouted. “Julian? If you’ve drowned in this swamp, don’t say anything!”

Cap glared at Humphrey. “There’s no time for this. JULIAN! If you don’t come out now, there will be no food left for you!”

“Did someone say food?” Julian called out, jumping out of a nearby tree. He landed next to the group, startling them.

“Julian, you madman! What’s wrong with you?” Cap held his heart.

“Robin said you’d fallen into the swamp! Are you alright?” Pat asked, giving him the once over.

Julian grinned. “I didn’t fall into the swamp. I just wanted to drag you guys all the way out here for nothing.”

Humphrey frowned. “How kind of you.”

“Oh... so you didn’t need us?” Pat pouted, holding his hands on his hips.

Julian pointed at a thorn bush next to him. “I was actually just wondering if these berries would be alright to eat or not, Mr Expert.”

Pat observed the bush. It was coated in dioscorea communis - more commonly known as black bryony. “No, they’re poisonous, mate. You didn’t eat any, did you?”

“What do you think I am, stupid?”

“You said it first.”

“Shut up, army boots. Are we going back to camp then, or what?”

Pat nodded and led them back down the mound and up the hill towards the clearing. When they got there, the rest of the gang were prodding marshmallows onto Robin’s sticks and hovering them over the fire. As they approached the trio heard Thomas curse, seeing that his marshmallow had fallen off his stick into the fire. The boys laughed.

“Hi guys! See you found the Tory, then?” 

“Unfortunately, yes.”

“Oi! I ‘eard that! Now where’s these beans you keep talkin’ about?” Julian hurried over to his space on the blanket, grabbing his beans bowl. He quickly spooned some into his mouth then spat them back out. “Yuck! These are cold!”

“Of course they’re cold! Pat cooked them thirty minutes ago!” Fanny rolled her eyes.

“Well you could’a told me!” he huffed back, sticking his bowl over the fire. “And you better save some of those marshmallows for me too!”

“Yeah, sorry we opened them before you got back.” Mary apologized to Pat. “We fancied dessert.”

“It’s alright! You used your initiative!” Pat complimented them. He sat back down in his seat and retrieved a flask from his bag. “Good thing I didn’t tell you about this. Who’s for hot chocolate?”

“Yes please!” Kitty squealed, causing Robin to cover his ears. “What a lovely treat!” 

“Thank you Patrick. It was a good idea to bring a warm drink along.” Fanny admitted, patting down her dress.

Pat smiled and poured out the drink into the little picnic cups he’d brought. Each of the gang passed the cups along until they all had one.

Humphrey sipped the drink, a smile melting onto his face. “Hey now, this is some good cocoa. What brand is it?”

“Well... um... actually... I sort of... made it.” Pat said quietly, taking a little sip.

“Did you really?” Fanny gasped.

“Well, um, yes... I sometimes experiment and make stuff like that, so, um... yeah.” he blushed.

“It’s honestly the nicest blend of cocoa I’ve ever tasted.” Cap nodded discreetly.

Pat’s blush darkened. “Do... you really like it?”

The group collectively nodded.

“It’s delicious!” enthused Kitty.

“Very tasty, yes.” Mary smiled. “Good job.”

“It’s better than my mother’s and I’ve never tried my mother’s!” Julian put in.

“Adequate, indeed.” a ghost of a smile met Thomas’ lips.

Pat’s smile grew wider. They were actually complimenting him?

“I’m very glad you like it.” he replied innocently, taking another sip as his classmates enjoyed his chocolatey brew.

~~~~~

A few hours later the group had turned in for the night. Pat zipped up his tent flap and turned into his temporary bedroom to see Cap struggling to roll out the sleeping bags. Pat gave him a hand and managed to flatten out his camouflage bedspread for him. As Pat worked on his own, Cap slid into his sleeping bag and watched as the shorter boy fiddling about with his own until he finished. Pat dimmed the lantern and lay back down in his sleeping bag, eyes suddenly feeling heavier now they were surrounded by darkness.

“Well then...”

“Yes...”

“Was a good day.”

“Yes...”

“Um, so... good night, Cap.” Pat removed his glasses and tucked them into their protective case, before settling down and closing his eyes. For a few moments, his companion was silent so Pat assumed he’d fallen asleep, but that wasn’t the case at all.

“Patrick?”

Pat opened his eyes and turned over to face Cap. “Yes?

“I... just wanted to apologize to you.”

Pat blinked, feeling his face heat up. “W-Whatever for?”

Cap stared upwards, seemingly in a daze. “I haven’t exactly been the nicest person to you. You’ve been nothing but nice to me ever since I was dragged into that club of yours. You’ve been kind and patient. All I’ve done is yell at you.”

“N-No, you haven’t, don’t be like that-“

Cap turned to him. “Patrick, I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’ve been a complete and utter arse to you.”

“B-But you haven’t, honestly-“

“Yes I have! You suspected something was wrong with me and you were right. You wanted to help and instead I just pushed you away. I’m not very good with dealing with other people, and for that, I am sorry.”

Pat tried to process this information. He was tired and in no mood to think so deeply about his feelings. “You don’t have to apologize to me. I’m used to it.”

“...Used to it?”

Pat’s eyes widened. “No, um, sorry, faux pas. As you can see I’m not very good with people either.” he blushed. “I can’t really do anything right.” he laughed nervously.

“Surely you don’t mean that?” Cap turned over to face him.

“Well, I’m just not really good at anything.” he spoke earnestly. “B-But that’s okay! I like helping others find what they’re good at instead. Like you’re really good at singing.”

Cap shook his head.

“No, it’s true. I’ve heard you singing before and you were really good!” 

“Well... um... thank you, Patrick.”

“You’re welcome!”

“Just do me a favour, would you?”

“Yes, anything!”

“Try to believe in yourself as much as you believe in other people, hm?” Cap mumbled, turning onto his other side. “You seem to be good at that...”

Pat stared at him with wide eyes, mulling it over. Cap soon fell asleep and the small blonde found himself smiling before drifting off into his own peaceful slumber.


	12. Hunt

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More adventure!

Pat stared wide-eyed at the tent roof, heart pounding in his chest. 

He’d fallen asleep shortly after his conversation with Cap, and had been sleeping soundly for a few hours until abruptly waking up in the middle of the night. All of his attempts to fall back asleep had failed, leaving him to sit up instead, pondering his life.

Sometimes his anxiety really did get the better of him.

Pat pulled on his glasses, looking down at the sleeping Cap beside him. It was odd seeing his classmate looking so serene. Deciding to give him a little bit of space, Pat pulled his blanket around himself and quietly leant towards the exit.

He unzipped the tent and made his way through the flaps, leaving it unzipped so he wouldn’t have to disturb his sleeping companion. Pat crawled over to the dead fire in the middle of the silent campsite, looking up at the sombre starlit sky above. It was so peaceful. So beautiful.

He sighed and hugged his knees. He just didn’t understand what was wrong with him. He was feeling so... sad.

Maybe he was just stressed, or something?

He felt a distinct pit in his stomach. Loneliness. Rejection. Fear. He was used to feeling like this at home or at school but for it to afflict him now actually annoyed him a little bit. He was happy, wasn’t he? He was with people who cared, right?

“Pat?”

Pat blinked tears out of his eyes to see Robin’s figure emerging out of the darkness.

“Robin?” he whispered back, not sure what the scruffy teen was doing up. 

Robin padded over to him, taking a seat beside him. “Hiya. Couldn’t sleep?”

“Oh, hi Robin.” Pat turned away to rub his eyes. “No, I just woke up.”

“You okay?” Robin asked. 

“Oh, yes, I’m fine. Definitely. For sure.” he sniffled, giving him a taut smile.

“You sure? You can talk to me about it if you want.” Robin offered kindly.

His words struck a cord with Pat. He bit his tongue in order to stop himself from cracking. “You don’t have to be so kind, Robin.”

Robin shrugged. “Just can’t help but think about others sometimes. You should know.”

“I-I do know!” Pat nodded.

“So I’m telling you now, if you ever need to talk, I’m here for you.”

Befuddled at being given a pep talk in the middle of the night by Robin of all people, Pat just tiredly nodded. “What are you doing up, anyway, Robin?”

“I’m a night owl. Haven’t slept yet.”

“Really?” Pat asked, surprised by this.

Robin nodded, holding his legs. “Besides, I like to stargaze. The sky is really clear from here.” Robin hopped to his feet, dramatically gesturing towards the sky. “I’d love to visit space, and the Moonah. Moon. I wanna be an astronaut.” he started laughing, plopping himself down next to Pat. “Have you got any dreams?”

Pat removed his glasses and wiped them against his sleeve. “I kinda want to be a scout leader. I know it sounds kinda lame in comparison to your dream but... I don’t know, I just really like the idea of it, you know?” he placed his glasses back on, Robin’s happy expression blurring into view.

“You’d be great at that. You seem to be into all that scout-y stuff. It’s good, and it’s certainly not lame. Stop putting yourself down so much.”

Pat felt his cheeks heat up. “Well, I don’t think I really-“

“Shut up. You’re always doing it. I know because I see it. All the time.” Robin reprimanded, almost pouting. “You inject this positive influence into your peers and you never save any for yourself. Why?”

Pat’s breath hitched. He knew the exact reason for that, but he wasn’t going to tell Robin about his parents now, was he?

“It’s my parents.” he admitted, not even realizing it.

“Your... parents?”

Pat’s eyes widened, “Did I say my parents? Yeah, I didn’t actually just say that, did I?”

Robin nodded.

“Oh smeg.” he paled. “Um, well, actually, by that I kinda mean- erm. Hang on a sec-“ he turned away to quickly think up an excuse, but none came to mind. “Eck. Okay. I-It’s... not that big of a deal, honestly. We just have different... opinions? I guess?”

Robin raised an eyebrow.

“W-We just... don’t really get along...” Pat sighed. “My dad thinks my dreams are stupid.”

“Your dad is an ass.”

Pat snorted with laughter, “Robin! You can’t say that!”

Robin smirked, “It’s true though.”

“You don’t even know him!”

“Still sounds like an ass. A big one at that.”

Pat shook his head. 

“Just... don’t listen to his crap. Listen to me instead!” he pointed to himself. “I am an excellent influence.”

“You stab people with biros for fun.”

“I am an EXCELLENT influence.”

“Robin, please.”

“Just... stop listening to your dad.” Robin turned to him, now looking serious. “He’s clearly putting you down, which in turn makes you put yourself down. You’re an optimist, Pat! A free spirit! You’re not chained to them. Him. You’re free.”

Pat felt himself cheering up. “Thanks Robin. I think... I needed to hear that.”

Robin suddenly threw himself at Pat, wrapping his arms around him tightly. Completely taken aback by his action, Pat’s eyes started welling up so he closed them, resting his head on Robin’s shoulder.

“Thank you...”

~~~~~

“Shh, he’s still asleep!”

“Which makes it all the more better to do it now!”

“Mmph! Mmph!”

“Don’t make me poke you with the stick again!”

Pat woke up to the sensation of being nudged. He woke up to see the fuzzy image of Cap leaning over him. He reached for his glasses and popped them on his face, looking at Cap with a concerned expression. “Are you okay?”

“Something’s going on out there.” Cap whispered, elbowing the tent flap covering the entrance. 

Pat frowned and pulled on his dressing gown, leaning over to unzip the tent flap. He squeaked at the strange sight that greeted him. “What are you doing?

“Damn it, you woke him up!” Julian complained, dropping the tied up Thomas next to the freshly lit fire.

Robin just shrugged, “It was never gonna work.” 

Pat pulled himself out of the tent, eyeing up the makeshift stake next to the fire. “Um... forgive me for asking so directly, but... were you two planning on burning Thomas at the stake?”

“Yes. I mean, no.”

“No.” 

“Sus.”

Thomas flailed on the ground, angrily gesturing towards his hands.

“Oh yeah, can you untie Thomas please?” Pat asked.

Robin did just that. 

Once untied, Thomas leapt to his feet and yanked off the gag, pointing towards the two perps in disgust. “How dare you attempt to assassinate me, you heathens!”

“Oh come off it Thomas, we were doing it to spare you!”

“Spare me?” he gasped.

“Yeah. To get you out of the day’s activities.” Julian rolled his eyes. “Team building and all that crap.” he pretended to throw up. 

Pat held his hands on his hips. “Now Julian, if you’re going to be like that, you can stay in the tent all day!”

Julian blew him a raspberry.

“Forget Julian’s woes, Patrick! They tried to kill me!” Thomas complained, his annoyance falling on deaf ears.

The girls unzipped their tent and out popped Fanny, already dressed for the day. “Do you boys mind? Kitty’s still asleep!”

Julian grinned and rushed over to their tent. Fanny scrambled to close it before he reached it but he got there before she could. He grabbed her arms, sticking his head inside the tent. “WAKE UP KITTY!” he yelled, before giving them all a sultry glance. “Ooh, hello ladies. Loving the nighties.” 

Robin stormed over to Julian and yanked him out of the tent, throwing him away from them. Julian landed on Humphrey’s tent, causing it to collapse.

“Oi! I’m trying to read in here!” came Humphrey’s indignant voice from inside the collapsed tent.

“They tried to burn me! Kill me! KILL ME!”

“Ah shaddup Thomas. Nobody cares about you anyway.”

With a primal roar, Thomas tackled Julian and started slapping him. Robin rushed over to the squabbling duo and jumped on them.

“PILE ON!”

“GET OFF ME YOU CRETIN!”

“Everything going alright, Patrick?” came Cap’s cheerful voice from behind him.

Pat just facepalmed.

~~~~~

“A treasure hunt, a treasure hunt! I do love a treasure hunt!” Kitty sang, leading to group down the steep, rocky path into the forest. “Do we know where the treasure is, Pat?”

Pat smiled, adjusting the straps of his bag on his back. “I know where it is, but you guys will have to team up in pairs to find it.”

“Hurray!”

“Or we could just like, not.” Julian inputted.

“Will you be choosing the pairs?” Mary asked, looking longingly at Robin who was angrily swatting a fly away. 

“Yes, I’ll be choosing the pairs. I’ll pair you off with people you don’t normally interact with! Remember, teamwork makes the team work!”

“Oh goody!” Thomas remarked, sarcastically. “I suppose you’ll be putting me with Julian after the TORTURE he put me through this morning!” he huffed, folding his arms.

“That’s where you’re wrong, Thomas. You’ll be with Robin.”

“Wonderful.” Thomas rolled his eyes, knowing he’d be stuck doing all the hard work.

“Mary, you’ll be with Humphrey. That okay?”

“I suppose.” she sighed. At least Humphrey was charming.

“Kitty, with Julian.”

“At least she’s pretty.” Julian smirked, causing Kitty to blush.

“Which leaves Cap and Fanny. All good?”

“All good!” Fanny replied, a little _too_ cheerily. Cap cleared his throat.

“Great!” Pat led them to the clearing they’d be undertaking the task in. After explaining what to do and dismissing them, he sat on a tree stump, watching them work. 

After two minutes, Thomas had already given up. He lay next to a blackberry bush as Robin danced around him in a circle, still reading the map. Julian and Kitty weren’t having much luck either. All Julian was doing was flirting with her as Kitty pretended she was a captured damsel on a pirate galleon.

Thankfully, Humphrey and Mary remained on task, the two following Cap and Fanny in the right direction towards the treasure. Rolling his eyes at the others, Pat made his way over to the competent teams, following them down the steep muddy slope reaching deeper into the forest.

As he followed them, all he could hear were Fanny’s cries as she desperately tried to avoid getting mud on herself. She clung to Cap tightly as the taller boy manoeuvred them down the path, trying not to slip himself.

“How steep is this?” Humphrey called out from behind the first pair, skidding down the slope. “You never said we’d have to do this, Pat!”

Pat just giggled. “I’m testing your limits!”

“And patience.” Cap frowned, trying to hold onto Fanny as the two slipped again.

“Eek!” Fanny squeaked, almost falling off the path. “Patrick, if we ever get out of this you’re going to get a right thumping!”

“Not a humping then.” Mary inappropriately added, gaining a coy smirk from Humphrey. 

“Got Robin on the brain, have we?” he teased, causing her to go scarlet. 

Skidding further down the path, Cap reached out for a nearby tree branch to help regain his balance, quickly grabbing Fanny as she slipped. “Don’t worry Fanny, I have you.”

“You can have me any time you like!”

“What?”

“What?”

“Ahem.” Humphrey nudged them, trying to get past. 

“Did I mention this was a race?” came Pat’s informative voice, causing all four of the others to stare at one another. They then proceeded to run down the rest of the incline towards the large X written on the first tree seen at the bottom. 

“We’ve no shovels! How are we supposed to retrieve the treasure?” Cap asked, turning to Pat.

“Who says I buried it?” Pat grinned, pointing up and into the tree.

“You’ve got to be kidding me...” Humphrey groaned. “I can’t climb that!”

“Neither can I!” Fanny wailed, turning to Cap. “Give it a go?”

Cap sighed and grabbed hold of the first branch, immediately falling down. He brushed himself off, reached out for the tree again and doubled over as Mary jumped onto his back, using the newfound height to elevate herself onto the tree. She climbed higher and higher until she found a bag looped on one of the branches. She retrieved it and threw it down to Humphrey before making her way back down the tree.

Humphrey caught the bag and opened it. “Oh sweet! We win a big bag of chocolate! I’ll take that!” he beamed, helping Mary down the tree. Mary jumped down and took a bow, smirking at the gobsmacked Cap and Fanny.

“Congratulations Mary! Hope you and Humphrey enjoy that little treat!”

“Oh we will!” Humphrey hi-fived his companion.

Fanny cleared her throat. “So, Patrick. Are you really expecting us to climb all the way back up that path?”

“Um, yes?”

“Right then.” Fanny grabbed a large stick off the ground, her delicate fingers circling around her new weapon. She turned her gaze to Pat.

“Uh... Fanny?” Pat slowly backed away from her. “I think we should talk about this...”

Fanny approached him maliciously.

“Fanny, please! I was doing it for your own good! Team work, remember? Team work?”

“I’ll give you teamwork, Patrick Butcher!” she cried, chasing him with the stick.

“Fanny! Please!” Pat squealed, running back up the embankment with Fanny in pursuit.

The other three calmly watched their exchange.

“Same time tomorrow, lads?” Humphrey grinned.

Cap smirked. “Oh most definitely.”

“If this was the first activity I wonder what others he has planned?” Mary giggled, shaking her head.

“Best find out before she kills him.”


	13. Amity

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy goodness incoming.

“So, what’s for tea?”

Pat looked up from the burning campfire. “Uhh... some more snacks?”

“But what about dinner?”

“I have a tin of hot dog sausages if that’s any good?”

“Ugh... fine.” Thomas groaned. “Anything’s better than nothing.”

“Can you get the pan out for me?” Pat asked.

“Why can’t you do it?”

“Because I’m going to be cooking them.”

Thomas rolled his eyes and lazily leant over to reach the saucepan which was sitting neatly in a pile with other kitchen appliances next to Pat’s tent. He grabbed the pan handle and passed it over to the shorter boy, who then dumped the sausages inside it.

“Can someone get the buns ready please?” Pat asked as he adjusted the saucepan over the fire pit.

“What the heck is a ‘bun’?” Julian asked haughtily.

“I think he means bread roll. You mean bread rolls, don’t you Pat?” Fanny put in, causing Pat to nod. She then reached over and grabbed said items from Pat’s bag, handing them over to Mary to plate them up.

Pat rested the saucepan safely above the fire and leant back for a moment to cool his face down. He looked up to see his fellow campmates looking worn out and too tired to speak to one another, all awaiting their food which would hopefully give them more energy.

Pat cleared his throat. “So, erm, did you enjoy today?” he asked, trying to make light conversation.

Nobody responded for a few moments, until Robin stepped in. “Oh, yeah, yeah. Was fun. Different. I liked it.” he admitted.

“I’m inclined to agree too.” Fanny nodded her head. “It’s not often I get to go outside and I actually found today rather enjoyable, if you’d believe that.”

“I didn’t mind spending the day with you cretins either. I mean, I often spend my weekends alone, writing and reciting my poetry.” Thomas stretched out and laid back against the grass. “I agree with Robin for once. It was different.”

Pat smiled. “Would you... ever consider doing this again? Outside of school... So like, just as a... troupe? Without being told what to do... by me?”

“So basically as... friends?” Cap raised and eyebrow.

Pat panicked, “I-I didn’t say that! I-I mean, it would be cool to consider you guys as my friends but I know that’s just... not going to happen.” he blushed and quickly turned his attention back to prodding the sausages.

Julian raised an eyebrow and yawned, stretching his arms out. “Personally, I think you’re all losers.”

“Charming.” Thomas rolled his eyes.

“But... you’re my losers.” Julian went strangely quiet, turning away from them. “I don’t mind hanging around with you... people.”

“So, what you’re saying is... we should start a losers club?” Kitty added innocently. “My sister has a club but I haven’t been invited to join it yet, so I think it’ll be nice to be included in a different sort of club!”

“Aren’t we already in a club? The Teatime Club?” Mary questioned. “I think that sounds better than a ‘losers club’ anyway.”

“Are you saying that, because we’re in this club together... we’re actually friends?” Fanny shuddered.

“You know what?” Humphrey started, stretching out his legs. “I think I’m cool with that.”

“I think I am, too.” Cap replied, surprised with himself.

“Does this mean we can hang-out at school and after school without it being weird?” Robin asked.

“Providing you don’t take ‘hang-out’ to mean literally, Robin.” Thomas huffed. 

Robin shrugged, “It’s not my fault I like hanging from the lights.”

“You’re going to electrocute yourself one day.” Thomas shook his head.

“Dinner’s done!” Pat cut through their banter. “Can you pass me the plates please, Mary?”

“That I can, Pat!” she handed them over to Pat, who started dishing up their meals. A few moments later they were all happily tucking into their food. 

Pat took a moment to look up at his campmates. It was weird to think they were actually building up a camaraderie with each other despite the fact they’d literally just been thrown together.

_‘So... does this mean... I actually have friends now?’_ he thought gleefully. _‘This may possibly be the best day of my life!’_

~~~~~

“Anyone know any dirty campfire songs?” Julian asked after the gang had washed up and put the plates away, causing everyone to groan. “What? If we’re friends now we should at least tolerate one another’s interests.”

“Not if they’re lewd.” Fanny rolled her eyes, the others nodding in agreement.

“Can I do a poetry reading?” Thomas asked.

“No.” Julian immediately shot him down.

“Why not?” Thomas whined. “You haven’t let me do a reading since I joined this blasted club! I want to do one! Pat!”

Pat bit his tongue, noting the desperate looks the rest of his campmates were shooting him, hoping he’d decline. He sighed. He decided that he needed to make some time for Thomas. He was difficult, but he was one of them. “Okay Thomas. Providing it’s a short one.”

“YES, GET IN!” Thomas leapt to his feet with joy, clearing his throat. He stood next to the campfire and dramatically stared into the evening sky, a hand on his chest.

“Milking it, much?” Julian murmured.

“Quiet!” Thomas hissed, clearing his throat once more. “I’m going to read a poem by Keats. Make of it what you will, but I feel it is quite appropriate for this evening and the moments we’ve shared together.”

“Rightio Thomas. You may begin when ready.” Pat smiled in support.

Thomas held his right arm out. “As late I rambled in the happy fields, What time the sky-lark shakes the tremulous dew,” he theatrically pointed towards the sky, causing most of the others to roll their eyes as he continued.

“From his lush clover covert; -when anew, Adventurous knights take up their dinted shields: I saw the sweetest flower wild nature yields,” he pointed to the nearby flower patch, “A fresh-blown musk-rose; ‘twas the first that threw Its sweets upon the summer: graceful it grew As is the want that queen Titania wields.” 

He gestured down to himself, “And, as I feasted on its fragrancy, I thought the garden-rose it far excell’d: But when, O Wells! thy roses came to me, My sense with their deliciousness was spell’d: Soft voices they had, with tender plea, Whisper’d of peace, and truth, and friendliness unquell’d.” he lowered his head and body into a delicate curtsey, taking a bow.

Pat and Kitty gave him an energetic round of applause. The others clapped a little slower, looking around at one another in bewilderment, but nevertheless, were actually secretly impressed - although they’d never admit it.

“So, what did you think?” Thomas asked cheerfully.

“What did I think?” Julian repeated, “I thought that-“

“It was marvellous.” Cap cut him off before he could say anything inappropriate. “Very... poetic.”

“It was definitely... something.” Humphrey recoiled, trying to think of something artistic to say. “Um, artsy. Yeah, very artsy.”

“I like the bits about the nature.” Robin nodded, feeling inspired. “The language was very pretty.”

“Ooh yes, very pretty indeed.” Mary put in, fluttering her eyelashes at Robin. 

“It was beautiful, Thomas! Absolutely beautiful!” Kitty beamed, “You read it wondrously! You should join the drama club at school and read your poetry in one of our plays!”

Thomas actually blushed. “Do... you really think I should?”

“Go for it, mate. Do whatever makes you happy.” Pat smiled.

Thomas elegantly sat down, his mind billowing new and hopeful thoughts. His gaze met his campmates and his lips curved into an unfeigned smile. “From now on... I think I may just do that.” he whispered to himself, looking up into the star-drenched sky.


	14. Plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note to self: draw what the ghosts look like in this story. xD

Pat wrung his hands together as he padded down the corridor.

It was the first day back at school after the Teatime Club’s little camping trip and Pat really felt like he’d bonded with the group. He was extremely pleased he’d gotten to know them a little better - he really hadn’t been expecting it, and sort of hoped it had made them stronger as a group. He hoped they were... friends.

He didn’t want to go back to being alone.

“Hey Patrick.” a sleazy voice drifted into earshot. Pat tensed up as a hand was placed heavily down onto his shoulder, expecting it to be one of the boys who picked on him. Wincing, he turned slowly and opened his eyes to see a slightly befuddled Julian staring at him. Pat tried to pull away but the taller boy kept a strict hold on him.

“What’s up with you?” Julian frowned. He hadn’t expected the shorter teenager to freak out so much. It was... strange.

“O-Oh, erm, nothing. I just wasn’t expecting to see you. S-Sorry!”

Julian gave him an aimable pat on the shoulder. “Don’t worry about it. Why are you doing laps anyway? It’s breaktime so shouldn’t you be outside?”

“I was just, erm-“ he desperately tried to think up an excuse. In all honesty he’d spent the majority of the morning feeling majorly stressed out - with home stuff and school stuff. He was feeling incredibly anxious to meet up with his group later on because he sort of thought he could have dreamt the whole camping thing and figured since it had been a dream, none of his clubbies actually liked him and he really was as worthless as his father said he was. 

Plus his bullies were looking for him and that just meant trouble.

“Pacing. You stressed?” Julian asked.

“Y-Yes, I... um, I mean, no? I’m sorry, I’m just-“ he seized up, feeling the onset of a panic attack kicking into action. “E-Everything’s just fine, I’m just-“ he stepped back, suddenly feeling claustrophobic. “I need to be alone.”

Julian raised an eyebrow. “Okay?”

Julian watched as Pat sped off down the corridor, making his way into the boy’s toilets. He frowned and decided to follow him. On reaching the toilets, he leant his head up the side of the door and heard talking inside. Shrugging his shoulders, Julian took his leave and made his way to Mrs Cooper’s classroom for his detention.

~~~~~

At lunchtime, Julian met up with Humphrey in the canteen. The latter was working on one of his drawings up the table Pat usually sat at for lunch. The solitary figure didn’t notice Julian until the little Tory plopped down on the seat opposite, pulling out his lunch. 

“Hi Humphrey.” Julian greeted. “Ooh, that looks fancy. Who’re you drawing?”

“Hi Julian. Just finishing off my classwork. We had to draw someone from a historical period so I decided to draw Thomas as a Regency era courtier. He’s always reciting poetry from around that period so he’s become my muse for the project. Don’t tell him though. I’ll never hear the end of it.”

Julian snorted, “Yeah. Plus he’ll start micromanaging your design of him, you know what he’s like. Have you seen Pat?”

“Pat?” Humphrey looked up. “Er, no, actually. He wasn’t in third period.”

“Really? Wonder where he’s gotten to.”

Julian tucked into his sandwich as Humphrey continued to draw. They were soon joined by Fanny, who was wolf whistled at by a group of boys in their year group as soon as she entered the canteen, causing her to frown. After spotting Julian and Humphrey she strutted over to the table they were sitting at, wanting to be with people who didn’t treat her like a piece of meat. Well, at least Humphrey didn’t. 

“May I sit here?” she asked.

Julian nodded and patted the seat next to him. Fanny rolled her eyes and actually took that seat, causing Julian to grin.

“So you do love me after all!”

“No, I’m sitting here so I don’t have to look at you when I’m eating.”

Her comment caused Humphrey to snort with laughter. She smiled and looked at his drawing. 

“Very nice, Humphrey. Don’t get showing Thomas.”

“Haha I won’t. I’ll never hear the end of how I butchered his nose.”

“I think you’ve captured his expression really well, actually.” she pulled out her salad. “Especially his glumness.”

“Too right.” Julian laughed, puncturing a hole in his juice carton with his straw.

“Glumness indeed.” came a staccato voice. The trio looked up to see Cap standing behind Humphrey. “My, that is good.”

“Hey Cap! Thanks! Who did you end up drawing?”

Cap took a seat next to Humphrey. “Oh, er, nobody interesting in particular.”

“Come on, show us!” Julian egged on. 

Cap shook his head. “My artistic skills are nowhere near as good as Humphrey’s, so I’d rather not.” he pulled out his lunchbox and decided to change the subject. “Did you hear about Patrick?”

“What about him?”

“He’s been sent home. God knows why.”

“I think he may have been sick, or something.” Julian inputted. “I saw him at break. He looked really panicky and told me he was stressed.”

“Stressed? Stressed about what?”

“No idea. He always seems a bit uptight when he’s not around us.” 

“Huh. Odd. Guess that means we’re not staying after school then.” Humphrey exhaled.

“Oh yes, the club.” Fanny sighed. “Shame. I was sort of looking forward to it, too.”

“You were?” Julian spluttered. “Why?”

“I don’t know. It... keeps me out of the house for a bit, I suppose.”

“Parents doing your nut in too?” Humphrey chuckled as Fanny nodded. “I was looking forward to it too, I guess.” Humphrey added. “Never thought I’d catch myself saying that.”

“What are we going to do instead then? We could meet up outside of school.” Julian bit his tongue after catching himself suggesting that idea, feeling it odd for him to casually throw that out there. Being alone in his own house was obviously getting to him. 

The others looked up at him. “Meet up?”

“Yeah. Meet up and maybe check on Pat?”

Humphrey raised his eyebrows. “I mean, sure, I guess? Do you know where he lives?”

“Ah, no, actually.”

“I think I do.” Fanny put in. “We partly walk the same way back home and I’ve seen him a few times. I think it’s the old house on the corner of my street.”

“Awesome, at least that’s a lead.”

“So, do you actually want to do this?” Cap asked the others, feeling a little strange about the situation. “Meet up, I mean.”

“My parents will just think I’m doing at the after school club anyway, so I’m game.” Humphrey smiled, storing his art away in his folder.

Cap looked towards Fanny, who cleared her throat. “I suppose I could too. My parents also think I’d be working late.” she said. “Cap?”

“Oh, well, I don’t see why not. After all, Patrick would do this for us, wouldn’t he?” he reasoned with himself.

“Should we get the others in on it? Make a big thing of it?” Humphrey asked excitedly. It wasn’t often he was allowed outside so he’d take any chance he’d get.

“I don’t see why not. Julian’ll have to ask them.”

“Why do I have to do it?”

“Because it was your idea in the first place.”

Julian groaned.


	15. Twist

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spent my afternoon writing this bad boy and it was so fun!
> 
> Hope you enjoy! c:
> 
> Also 99 kudos like WHAAAAT you guuuys are gonna make me cry <3

“So where does he live again?” Julian consulted Fanny for the third time that afternoon.

“At the end of my street.” she sighed, leading the group down the familiar path which took her in the direction of her own home. 

“It’s very posh around here.” Mary noted, gazing at the looming houses as they passed through the neighbourhood. 

“It gets a little rough towards the end of the road, near Pat’s house.” Fanny informed them. “My parents are thinking of moving house for that very reason.”

“Where to? You’re not moving schools, are you?” Kitty practically wailed.

Fanny rolled her eyes, “Of course not! They’re only thinking of moving house - nothing’s been confirmed yet. Besides, I wouldn’t go with them if they wanted to move areas. I like our school.” she stopped in front of a medium sized house with an empty drive. “Ah, here we are.”

The group stood in front of Pat’s house, idly staring at it.

“So... now what?” Robin asked, turning to the others.

“We... knock on the door?” Humphrey offered.

“Go on then.” snapped Thomas.

“I’m not doing it! Julian should. It was his idea.”

“Let’s play knock door run, shall we?” Julian grinned, skipping up the drive. He loudly banged on the door, causing the rest of the group to scatter and hide in the large bush at the side of the front garden, Julian joining them. They waited for a few moments, but there was no answer.

“Blast! He must be out!” Thomas groaned.

“What a great idea this was.” Julian rolled his eyes, before realizing it had been his own idea. “Ah, well, the car’s gone so they’re obviously out. Do we wait, or what?”

Cap narrowed his eyes, spotting something moving in the upper right side window. “I think someone’s in the house. I can see them.”

“Why didn’t they answer the door then?” Fanny asked, following his gaze.

“Well, if it’s Pat, maybe his parents didn’t want him to answer the door if they were out? Stranger danger and all that?” Humphrey put in.

“Try knocking it again and see if he answers.” Cap commanded. Julian nodded and sleekly made his way back around the drive until he reached the door, knocking it in an obnoxious manner. He then ran back to the bush. 

“Is he there?” Julian panted.

A small, bronde head briefly appeared in the window, looking to find who knocked the door. It quickly disappeared.

“It’s Pat alright, but he’s not answering.”

“Does he know it’s us?” Kitty asked. 

Julian left the bush and walked to the front garden, standing on the edge of the grass. “OI! PAT! ARE YOU IN?” he yelled, waving his arms out wide. “PAAAAAT! IT’S ME, JULIAN! ALL AROUND GOOD LOOKING GUY! YOU KNOW, THE TORY’S SON? PAAAAAAAAAT!”

“JULIAN, SHUT UP!” Fanny shouted, inwardly dying of embarrassment. Her classmate garnered a few funny looks from other people in the houses opposite. She hoped they didn’t recognize her.

The window that the figure had appeared in slowly opened. Pat climbed into view, sitting on the windowsill with his knees pulled up to his chest. His mouth was wide open in shock. 

“Julian?” 

Julian padded down the garden and looked up at the open window. “Hi Pat!”

“W-What are you doing here?” 

“We came to see you, didn’t we?”

“W-We?”

The rest of the group emerged from the bush, joining Julian on the grass. 

“Hi Pat!”

“What happened to you today?”

“Are you okay?”

“We missed you!”

“Guys...” Pat fought back tears. He never dreamed they’d find out where he lived and actually come and visit him after such a terrible day.

“Why didn’t you answer the door?” Julian shouted up at him.

“I’m sorry, I’m not supposed to open the door when my parents are out!”

“Can you open it now?”

“I’m... not allowed.”

“Where did you disappear to today?” Fanny asked. 

“Yeah, what happened?” Robin demanded, clenching his hands into fists.

“I... It’s complicated...” Pat sighed.

“Were you sick?” Thomas asked.

Pat paused for a moment. He didn’t want to tell them he’d been sent home after being beaten up with a suspected head injury which then led to his parents getting annoyed at him for being so weak and his father yelling at him for hours on end until they decided to go out for the evening, leaving him on his own. “Um... sort of.”

“Are you well enough to come out and play with us?” Kitty chirped.

As much as Pat was desperate to spend time with them, he knew he wasn’t allowed. “I-I can’t...” 

“Aw, please!” Mary begged. “Come on, come hang out with us!”

“Yeah! We’re going to Robin’s house for pizza!”

Cap, Fanny and Julian stared at the others. “We are?”

Robin grinned bashfully. “Surprise?”

The trio smiled, turning back to the window. 

Pat rubbed his head and clenched his trembling fists. He really wanted to go out with them, but knew his parents would disapprove and yell at him even more if they discovered him missing when they came back.

Although they did say they’d be out late...

“Come on, Patrick!” Cap shouted, “You can’t miss out on the pizza! It’ll be my first time trying it!”

“WHAT?” came a shriek of horror from other members of the group. 

“You monster!” Kitty cried.

“You’ve never had pizza?” gasped Robin.

“How have you even lived until now?” Mary accused.

Cap felt himself blushing and cleared his throat. 

“Come on Pat! If you don’t come then down... I’ll have to come up and get ya!” Robin grinned, making for the terrace.

“Yeah! Robin will kidnap you! So get your arse down here already!” Julian hollered.

Pat turned away from them, his chest overflowing with sadness. They were all being so kind to him, despite everything. They genuinely wanted to spend time with him and it felt... so nice to be wanted. He turned back to the window and let out a squeak of fright as Robin’s face was pressed up against the glass.

“Boo!” Robin giggled.

“Robin! That’s dangerous! You have to get down!” Pat squealed.

“But I’m here to kidnap you.”

“Y-You don’t have to... I’ve decided to come.”

“YAHOO!” Robin cheered loudly, making the rest of them jump. “HE SAID YES!”

The others started cheering at this knowledge and Pat slid himself off the windowsill, pulling the window shut. He felt himself smiling and could still hear Robin’s excitable cries as he made his way down the stairs.

‘Sod the punishment...’ he thought wistfully, ‘...spending time with these guys is totally worth it.’

~~~~~

Robin led the charge towards his house, where Mr and Mrs Robin greeted them with open arms. They were happy that their son had finally made some more friends and treated them all as if they were their own children.

“I ordered the pizzas about ten minutes ago and they’re on the way!” his father grinned, ruffling Robin’s locks as he passed by. “We’ll be in the kitchen if you need anything else, son.”

“Thanks dad.” Robin smiled, turning his attention to the clubbies who were crashed around the lounge. “Everybody happy?”

“Robin, your parents are ace.” Humphrey beamed. “Like, I hope this doesn’t come off as creepy but I wish they were mine.”

“So do I!” Thomas interrupted, rather high-pitched. “They are amazing and I wish I had parents like them!” 

“They seem so fun to be around.” Fanny pondered, thinking of all the times her parents had shouted at her for trying to act like a normal teenager, “Mine are very strict in comparison.”

“So are mine.” Cap felt a little scared to admit it, feeling his parents’ disappointment churning in his heart.

“You know how I feel about mine...” Mary shot Robin a sorrowful look.

“I don’t even see mine to know what they’re like.” Julian spoke bitterly, rolling his eyes as he thought of his father’s antics.

“Same here.” Kitty admitted sadly, wondering why her parents always pushed her aside. 

Robin felt embarrassed by the attention. “We’re just really close. I’m glad you like them.”

“It must feel good to have such a special relationship with them.” Pat replied forlornly. 

“Yeah, it is...” he turned to Pat, “How’s your head, by the way?”

Pat’s hand went up to the back of his head. “P-Pardon?”

“My mom noticed you had a lump on the back of your head earlier. Are you okay?”

Pat froze with fright, not knowing what to say. “Um, I-I’m fine, thanks. Just slipped over today, which is why I got sent home.”

“That explains the bruising then. You have a new one on your cheek.” Mary observed.

Pat felt himself getting hot under the collar and adjusted his glasses. Before anyone could say anything else, there was a knock at the door.

“Pizza’s here!” Robin darted to his feet and ran over to the door, Mary and Cap following to help him carry the boxes. They came back into the room a few moments later and began distributing the pizza out.

“Well, enjoy, everyone!” Cap smiled, taking a bite out of a slice.

“What do you think?” Pat asked.

“It’s... remarkable.” Cap deadpanned, taking another bite. “Truly remarkable. It tastes wonderful!”

“Join the club!” Julian grinned, shoving an entire slice into his mouth. “Teatime Club alright!”

“We should make this our official dish.” Humphrey smirked, eating his own slice.

“I think that’s a brilliant idea.” Kitty beamed. “We should make a flag!”

“And I should write a mantra to go alongside the flag!” Thomas replied energetically.

“What could the mantra be? Eat pizza and get fat?” Julian laughed.

“Parents and pizza would seem more appropriate.” Fanny chuckled.

“Can you think of anything, Pat?” Robin asked, “You are our leader, after all.”

“I’m not your leader.” Pat smiled. “But I think Thomas should decide, being our official writer.”

Inspiration suddenly struck Thomas. He dropped his pizza slice into his box and stood up, dramatically reciting a new poem, “There were nine who gathered at the house of Robin-“

“-and ate a pizza. The End.” Julian wheezed, causing Thomas to glare at him.

“Your mouth is too much like a faucet, Fawcett!”

Everyone burst out laughing.


End file.
